tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669818390363729232024-02-20T17:40:47.772-08:00Classically Own3dOne man's journey into nostalgia Hell.Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.comBlogger71125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-70165707019191782012011-01-16T21:40:00.000-08:002011-01-16T21:40:57.248-08:00Yeah, yeah...I know.Blah blah blah, I haven't posted in a while. Well, there is many reasons for this, but I'll just list the few that I think are significant.<br />
<br />
1. School has been kicking my ass. I'm taking a shitty course that is destroying me mentally. It's an absolutely pointless course that is dragging me down and it is affecting everything I do. I have finals in a few weeks, so this shit will be over soon.<br />
<br />
2. I've been waiting for Bazooka Blitzkrieg to get here. I ordered it. They shipped it. It has traveled to every corner of this fucking planet and back, but it still isn't here. I've had things shipped from overseas that got here faster than this fucking game, which is about an 8 hour drive from where I live. And the reason I'm waiting for this game is because I wanted to do something special for you guys...but I might be too old to do it by the time it gets here.<br />
<br />
3. The next game on the list is Bebe's Kids. I hate that game. Everybody hates that game. And, every popular reviewer has reviewed it, ranted on it, and destroyed it. So what the hell can I add to it? Fuck if I know, but I'll work on it.<br />
<br />
So, there you go. I'm a lazy fuck, but I haven't been neglecting you guys on purpose. That course has literally sapped me of every ounce of energy. Not only that, but it has put me into a seriously pissy mood that isn't good for anyone, as I can't be funny when I'm in that state of mind. <br />
<br />
tl;dr - I suck, I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you guys soon.Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-64536266890260302742011-01-10T14:54:00.000-08:002011-01-10T14:54:32.608-08:00REAL GAMES - BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEADUh huh huh huh...huh huh huh, yeah, huh huh huh.<br />
<br />
Beavis and Butt-head is not your typical side scrolling beat 'em up. Okay...maybe it is, but it's still a surprisingly good game for a TV Licensed beat 'em up. Normally, this is where I would explain the subject of the game, but it's Beavis and Butt-head. Who doesn't know about Mike Judge's greatest creation? Yeah, I said it. King of the Hill is good, and his movies are a toss up of perfection or absolute shit, but Beavis and Butt-head is comedy gold. Deal with it, fartknocker.<br />
<br />
Starting the game, we get the original warning telling us not to try these things at home and a rather strange story intro. GWAR is having a concert, and in order for the boys to go, they have to do "cool things" in order to get in free. At least, that's the plan.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TStqH16Lz3I/AAAAAAAAAdw/8fpZJZ6mEIE/s1600/real+games+bandb+gwar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TStqH16Lz3I/AAAAAAAAAdw/8fpZJZ6mEIE/s320/real+games+bandb+gwar.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">When your demonic space overlords demand tribute, you better aim to impress.</span></div><br />
Oh look, another game that uses only 2 buttons. (Insert rant about lazy developers being bungholes here)<br />
<br />
The audio for this game really confuses me. At the start we are given a midi rendition of the iconic Beavis and Butt-head theme, but then the game uses voice rendering and clips from the show. If they had the technology and capabilities of using clips, then why does it destroy the theme song with midi? Why can we never have good music AND good sound effects?<br />
<br />
If you like the art style of the cartoon, then you will love this game. They have managed to render the sprites and stage designs almost identical to the show. Excellent.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TStvf0jR7YI/AAAAAAAAAd0/Mi2UDMYg8Ik/s1600/real+games+bandb+porn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TStvf0jR7YI/AAAAAAAAAd0/Mi2UDMYg8Ik/s1600/real+games+bandb+porn.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">This "movie" probably wouldn't have been so bad if it had stuck to the show's animated art style. Some things should never be made into live action.</span></div><br />
Okay, they managed to get the voices and animation perfect, but what about the gameplay? Well, it's fun, but it is not without its problems. With most beat 'em up games, one can find a rhythm or pattern in how the enemies appear and attack. In Beavis and Butt-head, everything is random, and at times there is so much crap happening on the screen that you are guaranteed to die. The boss fights are also ridiculous and take pure luck instead of skill. But if you can get past these hangups, the game can be really fun.<br />
<br />
Beavis and Butt-head is a blast from the past, and nostalgia is probably playing a big part in my final decision...but I'm giving it 3.5 Billy Bobs out of 5. I can only hope the new Beavis and Butthead episodes will be this good.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSuGSTmv9AI/AAAAAAAAAd4/g7oQewO2hmI/s1600/real+games+bandb+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSuGSTmv9AI/AAAAAAAAAd4/g7oQewO2hmI/s1600/real+games+bandb+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSuGSTmv9AI/AAAAAAAAAd4/g7oQewO2hmI/s1600/real+games+bandb+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSuGSTmv9AI/AAAAAAAAAd4/g7oQewO2hmI/s1600/real+games+bandb+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSuGSTmv9AI/AAAAAAAAAd4/g7oQewO2hmI/s1600/real+games+bandb+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSuGSTmv9AI/AAAAAAAAAd4/g7oQewO2hmI/s1600/real+games+bandb+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSuGWnx8biI/AAAAAAAAAd8/5czl5EgTgcI/s1600/real+games+bandb+rate0.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSuGWnx8biI/AAAAAAAAAd8/5czl5EgTgcI/s1600/real+games+bandb+rate0.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSuGW3v-a_I/AAAAAAAAAeA/ZIpg1rskHpI/s1600/real+games+bandb+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSuGW3v-a_I/AAAAAAAAAeA/ZIpg1rskHpI/s1600/real+games+bandb+rate1.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/cQThIHl5ols?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/cQThIHl5ols?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I never understood why games feel the need to show us the stages we beat. Yes, I am well aware that I beat that stage, as well as the rest of the game. That is why I am watching the end credits.</span></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-36110398165779060852011-01-05T01:48:00.000-08:002011-01-05T01:48:26.127-08:00R.I.P. Bazooka BlitzkriegMy copy of Bazooka Blitzkrieg died while being played earlier this evening. It was nearly two decades old. It will be remembered.<br />
<br />
In the middle of blowing shit up, the game just stopped working. At first I thought the worse, that my beloved Super Nintendo had died. Luckily, it was just the game. So, no review of Bazooka Blitzkrieg until I can find another copy (5 seconds on eBay, tops). Don't worry though, I'll just update the status to "pending" and continue down the list to the next game.<br />
<br />
As for other updates, I added a polite anti-ad block script that I slapped together and LinkWithin. I also worked on the list some more (up to the letter O now), as well as added contact info to the FAQ.Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-54246914644723476742011-01-02T21:44:00.000-08:002011-01-02T21:44:59.679-08:00REAL GAMES - BATTLETOADS IN BATTLEMANIACSGod damn! This game is a pain in the dick.<br />
<br />
Battletoads in Battlemaniacs is another beat 'em up that features the Ninja Turtle rejects: Rash, Zitz, and Pimple. You may have heard about the original Nintendo game Battletoads and how insanely hard it was. Well, the Super Nintendo version is not as bad as that, but it's pretty damn close. Needless to say, I raged a lot...but I'm okay now. It's over, and I am done with the Battletoads. All that is left is to finish this review.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSFcyZvLEnI/AAAAAAAAAdQ/YDiZTS0AJXY/s1600/real+games+battlemaniacs+frogs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSFcyZvLEnI/AAAAAAAAAdQ/YDiZTS0AJXY/s320/real+games+battlemaniacs+frogs.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">When <strike>4 turtles</strike> 3 toads get exposed to the <strike>ooze</strike></span> <span style="font-size: x-small;">toad essence they transform into the <strike>Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles</strike> Battletoads.</span></div><br />
Despite the name of this being Battletoads, the entire game focuses on Pimple (unless you're playing 2 player, which lets you play as Rash). The opening story takes us to the Battletoad's lair, which is in Asia for some reason. T.Bird has invented a virtual reality game, and somehow the Dark Queen manages to use it to kidnap an Asian girl and Zitz. So are we playing in the virtual reality game? No. You jump through the screen, but later you fly your Battlecopter back to the base, so I have no clue what the hell is going on. Other than being confusing, the opening is very well done.<br />
<br />
GOD DAMN IT! TWO BUTTONS AGAIN? FFFFFF--okay...I can do this. Just have to calm down a bit. Two buttons, one to attack, one to jump. One of the other 6 buttons is used as a taunt. The taunt does nothing.<br />
<br />
To make up for the lazy ass controls, the music is badass. Bitchin' 90s tunes for a bitchin' game. Bitchin.<br />
<br />
The graphics are also a major step up from the original NES version, and the Battletoads\Double Dragon team up from my last review. Sprite animations are strange, but funny. Stage designs are interactive and unique to each zone. My only complaint is that the Dark Queen doesn't look as hot in this one. That makes me feel a little sad. In my pants.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSFgAbvOT_I/AAAAAAAAAdU/bgM32U7kPkY/s1600/real+games+battlemaniacs+rule34.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSFgAbvOT_I/AAAAAAAAAdU/bgM32U7kPkY/s320/real+games+battlemaniacs+rule34.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Upon doing some "research"</span> <span style="font-size: x-small;">on the Dark Queen, I found this lovely gem (minus the censored boxes).</span> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Google image search, I love you.</span></div><br />
As I said before, this game is fucking hard. But it is also fucking fun. It manages to be challenging, but not annoying...which is very hard to do. There are a few spots that will have you throwing your controller down, as well as a couple minor flaws, but other than that, it's a perfect beat 'em up.<br />
<br />
Battletoads in Battlemaniacs is a great game that is almost perfect. It is far better than most of the beat 'em up genre that I have played, but it isn't the best. Therefore, I give it 4 mediocre Dark Queens out of 5. If you're a fan of the Battletoads or beat 'em up games, then you should definitely give this one a try.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSFb_2naJuI/AAAAAAAAAdI/pMNua5hXyL4/s1600/real+games+battlemaniacs+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSFb_2naJuI/AAAAAAAAAdI/pMNua5hXyL4/s1600/real+games+battlemaniacs+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSFb_2naJuI/AAAAAAAAAdI/pMNua5hXyL4/s1600/real+games+battlemaniacs+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSFb_2naJuI/AAAAAAAAAdI/pMNua5hXyL4/s1600/real+games+battlemaniacs+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSFb_2naJuI/AAAAAAAAAdI/pMNua5hXyL4/s1600/real+games+battlemaniacs+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSFb_2naJuI/AAAAAAAAAdI/pMNua5hXyL4/s1600/real+games+battlemaniacs+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSFb_2naJuI/AAAAAAAAAdI/pMNua5hXyL4/s1600/real+games+battlemaniacs+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSFb_2naJuI/AAAAAAAAAdI/pMNua5hXyL4/s1600/real+games+battlemaniacs+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSFcHHpO1VI/AAAAAAAAAdM/PQawjKZIyiw/s1600/real+games+battlemaniacs+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TSFcHHpO1VI/AAAAAAAAAdM/PQawjKZIyiw/s1600/real+games+battlemaniacs+rate1.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/gDC78GTwVLA?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/gDC78GTwVLA?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">You don't want to know how many tries it took me to get the good ending. Just be thankful that I could hit that mother fucker at all.</span></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-31340359353112803612010-12-31T20:05:00.000-08:002010-12-31T20:05:58.200-08:00REAL GAMES - BATTLETOADS & DOUBLE DRAGON: THE ULTIMATE TEAMWriting a review for this has been difficult. It's not a bad game, but it also gives me very little material to work with. I beat the game two days ago, and I am just now getting around to writing something.<br />
<br />
Battletoads & Double Dragon: The Ultimate Team is a beat 'em up that combines Rare's popular Battletoads franchise and the classic Technos Japan duo, Double Dragon. Unfortunately, most of this game was made by Rare, and it shows. It is still a decent game, but it could have been so much better.<br />
<br />
When starting the game, we are introduced to the characters and story through a really good cut scene. The Dark Queen has come to fuck shit up again, and for some reason, the toads feel they need help (despite being perfectly capable at beating her the first time). They call in the world's finest heroes. No, not Batman and Superman...the Lee brothers. They are obviously the greatest heroes on Earth because they saved that girl that one time. Anyway, pick one of the five available characters and we're on our way.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TR6lmwG4HkI/AAAAAAAAAc8/WqNK9t-2XiM/s1600/real+games+toadsdd+heroes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TR6lmwG4HkI/AAAAAAAAAc8/WqNK9t-2XiM/s320/real+games+toadsdd+heroes.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">World's Greatest Heroes: Scott Wolf and that guy from Iron Chef America. Yup, we're fucked.</span></div><br />
Right from the start, I am annoyed. Two buttons to jump and two buttons to do the exact same attack. Why do developers do this? Was anybody actually fooled by this? Why not give jump and attack three buttons each? That way the shoulder buttons can get some action as well. Fucking lazy.<br />
<br />
Next up is the music, and it definitely sets the mood. A game with Battletoads and Double Dragon? That premise alone reeks of the 90s. And what were the 90's without hard rock power ballads? The music in this game is exactly what you would expect: Awesome.<br />
<br />
The graphics, however, were not so great. The character sprites were pretty crappy. The original Nintendo graphics for both Double Dragon and the Battletoads were a lot better, and that is pathetic. Stage designs are mediocre, and the only nice thing to look at was the Dark Queen. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TR6k7pEEU2I/AAAAAAAAAc4/gXaE95k_1Wc/s1600/real+games+toadsdd+queen2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TR6k7pEEU2I/AAAAAAAAAc4/gXaE95k_1Wc/s320/real+games+toadsdd+queen2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">She was a brick house, she was mighty might-tay, just letting it all hang out.</span> </div><br />
And finally, we need to talk about the gameplay. This game is good, but it should be more than that. Let's look at the source of these characters. Double Dragon is one of the all time greats. Its simplistic beat 'em up style is what every game in the same genre has tried to be. Battletoads, while mostly known for being outrageously hard, was also a pretty good little game. So why is it when we combine these two franchises, we get a game that isn't worthy of either title?<br />
<br />
Once again, Battletoads & Double Dragon is good. Is it as good as either of the two franchises involved? No. But that does not mean that it isn't fun. Despite my problems with it in general, I still had a pretty good time playing it. Therefore, I'm giving it 4 Dark Queens out of 5.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TR6mCDFct_I/AAAAAAAAAdA/thNu0r3rBY0/s1600/real+games+toadsdd+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TR6mCDFct_I/AAAAAAAAAdA/thNu0r3rBY0/s1600/real+games+toadsdd+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TR6mCDFct_I/AAAAAAAAAdA/thNu0r3rBY0/s1600/real+games+toadsdd+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TR6mCDFct_I/AAAAAAAAAdA/thNu0r3rBY0/s1600/real+games+toadsdd+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TR6mCDFct_I/AAAAAAAAAdA/thNu0r3rBY0/s1600/real+games+toadsdd+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TR6mCDFct_I/AAAAAAAAAdA/thNu0r3rBY0/s1600/real+games+toadsdd+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TR6mCDFct_I/AAAAAAAAAdA/thNu0r3rBY0/s1600/real+games+toadsdd+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TR6mCDFct_I/AAAAAAAAAdA/thNu0r3rBY0/s1600/real+games+toadsdd+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TR6mLmiuO_I/AAAAAAAAAdE/IFcNQV3b504/s1600/real+games+toadsdd+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TR6mLmiuO_I/AAAAAAAAAdE/IFcNQV3b504/s1600/real+games+toadsdd+rate1.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/X0RrFp2g1Z8?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/X0RrFp2g1Z8?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wow, no credit roll? How sweet of them.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Oh, and one last thing....Happy New Year everyone. I'll see you next year!</span></span></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-73457739591304237922010-12-29T19:03:00.000-08:002010-12-29T19:03:38.169-08:00REAL GAMES - BATTLE GRAND PRIXGot my new monitor in today, and it is a lot bigger than I expected. We're talking original X-Box huge. I also went out with the wife, ate some delicious fajitas, and then we went to see True Grit. Excellent day all around. That is, of course, until I had to play this dumb ass game.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRvwR3fw7BI/AAAAAAAAAck/oeFVoV4gjWU/s1600/real+games+battlegrand+boat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRvwR3fw7BI/AAAAAAAAAck/oeFVoV4gjWU/s320/real+games+battlegrand+boat.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Okay...maybe not XBOX huge. But pretty damn close.</span></div><br />
Battle Grand Prix is one of the most poorly designed racing games that I have ever seen. You know that horrible vertical split screen crap some racing games do when you are playing two player? For some stupid reason, the entire game is played through this view. So what else does this game have to offer, besides a very limited view of what you are doing? Let's find out.<br />
<br />
This game doesn't have much of an opening, but what it does have is options. Lots of them. Three different difficulties, one or two players, 4 game modes, 16 drivers and 8 teams to choose from. There are even more customizations available in the set up before the races. However, you can cover a pile of crap with bells and whistles, but it's still a pile of crap.<br />
<br />
Once again, the most important part of a racing game is the controls. And these controls are terrible. The button layout is basic enough, gas and brake, but the steering is impossible. Just the slightest touch will send you spiraling to your fire death. The very thought of making a turn will cause you to spontaneously explode. Even in the Slot Car mode, which requires no steering at all, you will still crash into walls.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRvzHpGmu2I/AAAAAAAAAcs/hyG5u_sO2Fs/s1600/real+games+battlegrand+fire2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="255" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRvzHpGmu2I/AAAAAAAAAcs/hyG5u_sO2Fs/s320/real+games+battlegrand+fire2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Kick the tires and light the fires? Although, I don't think he did much kicking.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div>The music is just bad. Correction, it is infinitely bad, as it loops into forever. Normally, I make my own vroom vroom sounds, but I only made crashing sounds this time. That made me a little sad.<br />
<br />
The graphics are a complete waste. Hell, Pole Position for the original Nintendo looked better than this. The graphic designers for this game didn't even try.<br />
<br />
If you like driving into walls and losing, this game is action packed! For the rest of us, however, this game has nothing to offer. I barely beat it, by pure will power and determination alone. I can't imagine anybody actually playing this for fun.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRv0OFomocI/AAAAAAAAAcw/wjKwkqr5650/s1600/real+games+battlegrand+dale.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRv0OFomocI/AAAAAAAAAcw/wjKwkqr5650/s1600/real+games+battlegrand+dale.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Speaking of driving into walls and losing....What? Too soon?</span></div><br />
Battle Grand Prix is a shitty little racing game with shitty music, shitty graphics, shitty controls, shitty display...shitty everything. Therefore, it gets a shitty rating. 0 out of 5. No sprite ratings. Nothing. This game is garbage.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/TrEDveqAqLo?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/TrEDveqAqLo?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">This game has no real ending. Every mode ends with the same screen asking to continue or end. What a waste of time.</span></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-84480669314871391042010-12-28T19:49:00.000-08:002010-12-28T19:49:41.245-08:00Hell yeah.300 Followers! You know what that means? It means that today's post is about having 300 followers, and how I don't have to do a review. <br />
<br />
So yeah, I have 300 followers. I don't like the term followers, you are not sheep. Each and every one of you are true bros. Therefore, I have 300 friends. You are more than a number to me. I appreciate every comment, and I would like to thank you all for sticking around. Here's to another fast 100 friends so I can get another break from playing crappy games!<br />
<br />
On to other business, I am still updating the list page, but there are a lot of damn games. I also changed my comments section as I'm sure you have all noticed by now. I'm also going to work on the faq and probably add another page for something. Still trying to decide if I want to do video reviews or not, so I figure I'll try one to find out. It might not be for a while though, as I'm not really familiar with all of this junk.<br />
<br />
So that was my rant. I'll be reviewing some racing game tomorrow, Battle Grand Prix or something like that. I don't even care, cause I don't have to do shit today. Have a good one guys, and thanks for the mini-vacation.Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-54684967153831856882010-12-27T21:58:00.000-08:002010-12-27T21:58:25.075-08:00REAL GAMES - BATTLE CLASHI really did not want to play this game today. I kept thinking about the name, and how generic it sounds. However, when I finally dug through all of my games to find it...I was delightfully surprised to see the Super Scope label on the cartridge. Fuck yeah, I finally get to use my big ass bazooka peripheral.<br />
<br />
Before I begin, I have to bitch about the Super Scope. Being wireless is awesome, but 6 AA batteries is complete bullshit. Anyway, Battle Clash is one of the very few first person shooters made for the Super Nintendo. It is also one of the very few Super Scope games to ever be released. There are less than a dozen games for this monster of a controller, and if I had to guess why, it would be because this thing was an alkaline guzzling whore. Even lithium batteries don't stand a chance against this beast. Not only is this my first Super Scope review, but this is also my first time actually playing a Super Scope game. Unless you count the "Super Scope 6" that came with it, but those games sucked. But, enough about the scope, I'm supposed to be reviewing the game.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRl1GBQkKAI/AAAAAAAAAb4/jl5LakAtexo/s1600/real+games+battleclash+hopper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="197" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRl1GBQkKAI/AAAAAAAAAb4/jl5LakAtexo/s320/real+games+battleclash+hopper.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Dennis Hopper holding a painted Super Scope. That is the look of a man who just realized he was in a Super Mario Bros movie. Poor bastard.</span> </div><br />
This game doesn't bother with an intro or opening story. Fuck that noise. You have a bazooka and your goal is to blow shit up, what else do you need to know? We are given bits of story and dialog before every battle, but nothing is really explained. We are fighting mecha to get to boss mecha guy, and the previous mecha don't even give a shit about the boss mecha. The typical dialog after every fight is basically, "Wow. You've destroyed me. Kill the boss mecha for us." I don't understand either...but I do love blowing stuff up.<br />
<br />
The controls are...a fucking bazooka. Seriously, you shoot at the screen. It's not hard. Hold the button for machine gun (that is next to worthless), shoot in bursts for energy blasts, or don't push anything until the charge meter is full for a big boom. There is another button that switches to special weapons you acquire, like the bombs, but they are usually a waste of time.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRl4-sy9HXI/AAAAAAAAAb8/1etuYCCz-HY/s1600/real+games+battleclash+aim.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="229" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRl4-sy9HXI/AAAAAAAAAb8/1etuYCCz-HY/s320/real+games+battleclash+aim.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">"Yeah, well, look at it and pull the trigger. It's really easy"</span></div><br />
The music is pretty much the same song over and over. The sound effects are EXTREMELY lacking. If I am playing a game in which I am blowing up mecha with a god damn bazooka, I expect loud explosions and laser sounds. Instead, we get nothing. Lame.<br />
<br />
As for the graphics, my only real complaint is the boring backgrounds. Other than that, the hi-tech dashboard thing, the mecha, the weapons and explosions...they're all pretty good and provide the proper atmosphere.<br />
<br />
This game is fun. It can be difficult at times, but always fun. Unfortunately, this game is also short. There are only 8 stages and a boss, each of which range anywhere from 1 to 5 minutes. It does offer an increased difficulty mode after you successfully beat it, but even that only adds an additional 30 minutes of gameplay. Why is it the good games never last long enough? (except RPGs)<br />
<br />
Battle Clash is a very boring title for a pretty decent game. My final verdict is 3.5 laughing Anubis (Anubi? Anubises?) out of 5. If you wasted money on a Super Scope like I did, this game might be a good purchase. Then again, I don't know many other people that still play their Super Nintendo.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRl60LkDAMI/AAAAAAAAAcA/K3EE7-xkMno/s1600/real+games+battleclash+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRl60LkDAMI/AAAAAAAAAcA/K3EE7-xkMno/s1600/real+games+battleclash+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRl60LkDAMI/AAAAAAAAAcA/K3EE7-xkMno/s1600/real+games+battleclash+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRl60LkDAMI/AAAAAAAAAcA/K3EE7-xkMno/s1600/real+games+battleclash+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRl60LkDAMI/AAAAAAAAAcA/K3EE7-xkMno/s1600/real+games+battleclash+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRl60LkDAMI/AAAAAAAAAcA/K3EE7-xkMno/s1600/real+games+battleclash+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRl66SFCGqI/AAAAAAAAAcE/-jLbJOe9Ucg/s1600/real+games+battleclash+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRl66SFCGqI/AAAAAAAAAcE/-jLbJOe9Ucg/s1600/real+games+battleclash+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRl667JDM0I/AAAAAAAAAcI/6Gj4yJbQpF8/s1600/real+games+battleclash+rate2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRl667JDM0I/AAAAAAAAAcI/6Gj4yJbQpF8/s1600/real+games+battleclash+rate2.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/evZ5IsBn6kU?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/evZ5IsBn6kU?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm glad I beat it again on hard mode just to see the exact same ending.</span></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-9504430155904072972010-12-26T08:56:00.000-08:002010-12-26T08:56:59.212-08:00REAL GAMES - BATTLE CARSHope you all had a good Christmas, because it's back to business as usual for me. And by business, I mean playing crappy games.<br />
<br />
Not only is Battle Cars a generic name, it's also a generic game. It tries to disguise itself as some ultra violent game similar to that of the movie Death Race 2000...but in all reality, it's simply a racing game. Yeah, you have weapons, and yes, you can blow other vehicles up. However, if you want to beat this game, you need to focus on the racing and ignore everything else.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRdrpK5QLPI/AAAAAAAAAbo/tVjdmRnia1s/s1600/real+games+battlecars+race2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRdrpK5QLPI/AAAAAAAAAbo/tVjdmRnia1s/s320/real+games+battlecars+race2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Why did I reference this movie over the 2008 remake? Cause it's all about that 70's bush.</span></div><br />
Starting off, we are given nothing. No cut scenes, no story, not even a proper start screen. So, pick one of the three cars available, and a color, and jump right in. It doesn't matter which car you pick, as they all handle exactly the same....<br />
<br />
...which is to say, poorly. The controls in this game are absolutely horrendous. Most racing games use the D-Pad to control the vehicle, and by most, I mean all of them except this one. You <i>can</i> use the D-pad, but the slightest tap will make you spin out. Instead, use the shoulder buttons to make turns, unless they are sharp turns, in which you will need to use a combination of both the shoulder buttons and the D-Pad. However, you also need to use both shoulder buttons to execute the jump, so making turns usually results in launching yourself into a wall either way. The rest of the controls are pretty basic. A button to rotate weapons, and a button to shoot weapons. There is also a brake, but it is absolutely worthless as it does not slow you down gradually, but forces you into a complete stop immediately.<br />
<br />
Next up, we have audio. I am pretty sure that it is the exact same song that is played throughout the entire game, except for one stage: the Asian chick on a motorcycle. For that stage, it's what you would expect...a generic Asian remix of the same damn theme. Sound effects are pretty lame as well, but if you've been reading my reviews for a while, you already know what I do for racing games. Turn the volume down and make my own racing sounds. VRROOOMMMM!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRdtO5S7irI/AAAAAAAAAbs/wTV--pwgvgg/s1600/real+games+battlecars+asian.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="232" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRdtO5S7irI/AAAAAAAAAbs/wTV--pwgvgg/s320/real+games+battlecars+asian.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Maybe if there were more hot Asians on motorcycles, this game wouldn't be so bad.</span></div><br />
Graphically, this game put all the effort into the wrong parts. The cut scenes for the "bosses" are strange, but very well done. The rest of this game looks like shit. The vehicles are bland, the courses are confusing, and the stages themselves are painful on the eyes. If only I could mute the visuals as well.<br />
<br />
As always, the real important part is the gameplay. A game can have absolute garbage for graphics and music, but if it is fun...it's fun. Unfortunately, this game is not fun. If the controls were manageable, and if the courses didn't physically hurt me to look at, this game might have been okay at best.<br />
<br />
Battle Cars is every bit as bland as the title suggests. I give it 1 stereotypical Asian in a rice hat out of 5. Next on the list is Battle Clash. Hopefully, it isn't as boring as it sounds.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRdvGljUnSI/AAAAAAAAAbw/Fv-PmpBKsnc/s1600/real+games+battlecars+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRdvGljUnSI/AAAAAAAAAbw/Fv-PmpBKsnc/s1600/real+games+battlecars+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRdvG4_nEzI/AAAAAAAAAb0/rIUVpMH2kT4/s1600/real+games+battlecars+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRdvG4_nEzI/AAAAAAAAAb0/rIUVpMH2kT4/s1600/real+games+battlecars+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRdvG4_nEzI/AAAAAAAAAb0/rIUVpMH2kT4/s1600/real+games+battlecars+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRdvG4_nEzI/AAAAAAAAAb0/rIUVpMH2kT4/s1600/real+games+battlecars+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRdvG4_nEzI/AAAAAAAAAb0/rIUVpMH2kT4/s1600/real+games+battlecars+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRdvG4_nEzI/AAAAAAAAAb0/rIUVpMH2kT4/s1600/real+games+battlecars+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRdvG4_nEzI/AAAAAAAAAb0/rIUVpMH2kT4/s1600/real+games+battlecars+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRdvG4_nEzI/AAAAAAAAAb0/rIUVpMH2kT4/s1600/real+games+battlecars+rate1.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/PWKvLfcodRY?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/PWKvLfcodRY?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Beat the game and I'm rewarded with an overhead view of how I beat the game...thanks?</span></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-29977026587336290912010-12-23T17:50:00.000-08:002010-12-23T17:50:33.860-08:00REAL GAMES - DAZE BEFORE CHRISTMAS(I know it's not Christmas, but I'm not going to be posting for the next couple of days, and I doubt anyone would be reading them anyway. Also, don't forget to turn your Adblockers off for the new domain address. I couldn't figure out why half of my crap was missing.)<br />
<br />
Merry Christmas! And to those of you who find that offensive, go fuck yourself AND your happy holidays. I don't care whose birthday it is, or what funky voodoo ritual was done thousands of years ago. Christmas is for getting presents, eating good food, and being with family. And for some of us, it's also a time to play some vidya games. And I have found a good one just for you guys.<br />
<br />
Daze Before Christmas is a strange platforming game in which you play as old St.Nick himself. In this game, you will fight all sorts of baddies armed only with "The Christmas Spirit"....or a flame thrower. This game also introduces a little bit of Santa lore that I bet a lot of you didn't know. For instance, did you know that when Santa Clause drinks coffee, he turns into his demonic other-self known as the ANTI-CLAUSE? In this form, he wears a blue outfit, sprouts some demon horns, and beats the shit out of people with his sack. A sack of death.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRPylGUOuqI/AAAAAAAAAbA/bjZ2J0P56eg/s1600/real+games+daze+inifnity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="168" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRPylGUOuqI/AAAAAAAAAbA/bjZ2J0P56eg/s320/real+games+daze+inifnity.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Anti-Clause is a badass, but he's nothing compared to Santa Clause wielding the Infinity Guantlet.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
We start off with an interesting story about how an evil bastard has stolen all of the presents. The elves and reindeer are also missing, so it is up to the jolly fat man to save Christmas. Okay, so the story may not be all that original, but at least it explains what the hell is going on.<br />
<br />
The controls are easy to learn, but lacking. Shoot magic (or fire, or beat with sack) and jump. Once again, there are eight buttons on a Super Nintendo controller. Feel free to use more than two, developers.<br />
<br />
The music in this game is very creepy. It's your basic holiday type music, but it's slowed and distorted to give it a very eerie sound. I like it. It's repetitive as fuck though, so get your jollies and turn it down.<br />
<br />
Graphics are...yeah. The sprites and animations are good, and the cutscenes are excellent, but the stage design can be pretty bland at times. It doesn't hinder the game in any way, however, so it's not a big problem.<br />
<br />
And finally, the gameplay. This game gives what you would expect from a typical platformer, and just a little bit more. Switching forms between Santa and the demonic Anti-Clause are interesting to say the least, and there is just something awesome about Santa Clause shooting fireballs. It's not perfect, but I had fun...which seems to be rare lately.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRP8RRW-WTI/AAAAAAAAAbQ/IXQ6OVdn3os/s1600/real+games+daze+slay2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRP8RRW-WTI/AAAAAAAAAbQ/IXQ6OVdn3os/s1600/real+games+daze+slay2.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">At least it's better than watching this shit. GOOOLDBEEEERRG!!</span></div><br />
Daze Before Christmas is definitely a rarity. How many console games can you think of that are based on Christmas? I'm giving it 3.5 hiding Santas out of 5. If you find yourself in the mood for an easy platformer, or you just want to play as an evil Santa that basically mugs people, I would suggest you find this game. You will not be disappointed.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRP4RXJimXI/AAAAAAAAAbE/QV0zaJg43gY/s1600/real+games+daze+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRP4RXJimXI/AAAAAAAAAbE/QV0zaJg43gY/s1600/real+games+daze+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRP4RXJimXI/AAAAAAAAAbE/QV0zaJg43gY/s1600/real+games+daze+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRP4RXJimXI/AAAAAAAAAbE/QV0zaJg43gY/s1600/real+games+daze+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRP4RXJimXI/AAAAAAAAAbE/QV0zaJg43gY/s1600/real+games+daze+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRP4RXJimXI/AAAAAAAAAbE/QV0zaJg43gY/s1600/real+games+daze+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRP4XJcp6zI/AAAAAAAAAbI/2HVqMZobsmM/s1600/real+games+daze+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRP4XJcp6zI/AAAAAAAAAbI/2HVqMZobsmM/s1600/real+games+daze+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRP4XXVzMZI/AAAAAAAAAbM/9HmKi1e1Ifs/s1600/real+games+daze+rate2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TRP4XXVzMZI/AAAAAAAAAbM/9HmKi1e1Ifs/s1600/real+games+daze+rate2.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/GcJevCDKrYc?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/GcJevCDKrYc?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Santa may look all calm and happy, but he's holding a cup of coffee. That could mean only one thing...he's about to rape some poor elf.</span></div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-21960438515989636542010-12-22T23:16:00.000-08:002010-12-22T23:16:20.024-08:00READ ME, SEYMORE! READ ME!Okay, so I haven't posted a damn thing in almost 2 weeks. Sorry about that. <br />
<br />
I've been having a hard time deciding if I want to keep this site going or not. Is it worth my effort? Do people really enjoy what I am doing, or could they care less? Who knows? All I know is that these games are not going to beat themselves. Therefore, I will continue to beat these nostalgic nightmares, but some things have to change.<br />
<br />
You may have noticed that I have added new pages; The FAQ and list. The list is a more organized way to keep track of what I've done and what is next on the list. It's also a lot easier for you guys to find specific games. The FAQ section should be self explanatory. But that is not all...I've also got myself a domain. The new address is <a href="http://www.classicallyown3d.com/">www.classicallyown3d.com</a> so please update your bookmarks and remain patient as I update all the damn links. <br />
<br />
There are more changes to come, possibly a new layout, different adverts, and I might even swap written reviews for video reviews. Then I could be a big boy internet reviewer. It would also give me more range to explain just how fucking retarded some of these games are. I haven't decided yet, so let me know what you guys think. You guys can determine how this site will run! Unless I disagree with you, in which case...I'll do whatever the fuck I want. But your ideas are welcome all the same.<br />
<br />
And don't worry about the next review. I promised you guys a Christmas-themed review, and I plan to deliver.Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-65417868958205620122010-12-12T21:06:00.000-08:002010-12-12T21:06:16.858-08:00REAL GAMES - BATTLE BLAZEWhat a complete waste of time.<br />
<br />
Battle Blaze is a fighting game. It sucks. It stars the lovechild of Danny Trejo and Arnold Schwarzenegger. This game didn't even give me enough material to write a decent review with. I wonder if I can write this review in less time than it took me to beat the game. Lets find out!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQSSiWhk-HI/AAAAAAAAAaQ/Q-Nfgd0jyxE/s1600/real+games+bblaze+wat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="103" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQSSiWhk-HI/AAAAAAAAAaQ/Q-Nfgd0jyxE/s320/real+games+bblaze+wat.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Please tell me I'm not the only one that sees it.</span></div><br />
Start off the game with some random ass story about demons and a contest and blah blah blah. None of it matters or makes much sense.<br />
<br />
Controls are fucking pathetic. One button to jump, one button to attack. Movement is also stiff as fuck and performing the simplest of "moves" is near impossible.<br />
<br />
Audio is forgettable. Seriously, I don't remember a single song, and I just finished playing the damn thing.<br />
<br />
The graphics are pretty bad too. The stages were boring, bland, and ugly. Sprite animation is a joke.<br />
<br />
As for the gameplay, there is none. I beat this game in 17 minutes. If I had rented this for the weekend as a child, I would have been really fucking pissed. There is a two player mode, but with the shitty EVERYTHING, why would you want to drag your friends down with you?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQWi5mQrN3I/AAAAAAAAAaU/3X7teWG7p7Q/s1600/real+games+bblaze.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQWi5mQrN3I/AAAAAAAAAaU/3X7teWG7p7Q/s320/real+games+bblaze.jpg" width="235" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size: x-small;">This is the look a person gives when they realize they have chose poorly.</span></div><br />
It has been a while, so I guess we were due for another absolute 0 out of 5. And as always, zeros don't even get their own rating system. They get nothing but my rage.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/r1SroY3K_aU?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/r1SroY3K_aU?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">This game is bad, and I feel bad for playing it.</span></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com48tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-41127207489214813002010-12-11T20:19:00.000-08:002010-12-11T20:19:10.877-08:00REAL GAMES - BATMAN RETURNSHmmm...I really should write this huge paper for my IT course. Meh, I'll do it later. I'm in the mood for some vidya games.<br />
<br />
Batman Returns is an awesome beat 'em up from Konami. It is based on the very dark and gritty movie by the same name. In this game, you suit up in the cape and cowl to face against clowns with rocket launchers, knife throwing injuns, and obese enemies that can launch themselves through the air with their gas. It sounds pretty badass, right? It's a Batman game made by Konami. Of course it's badass.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQRMKSxjGkI/AAAAAAAAAaM/qqgvv8e8mi4/s1600/real+games+batmanr+gas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="288" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQRMKSxjGkI/AAAAAAAAAaM/qqgvv8e8mi4/s320/real+games+batmanr+gas.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Batman's deadliest foe is revealed!</span></div><br />
The intro to this game is pretty damn good. Decent cut scenes from the movie play as we are given a brief synopsis of the story thus far. The Penguin is running for mayor, and Catwoman is prowling the city, doing whatever it is that hot chicks in spandex do. Shit has gone down. Go fuck some people up, Batman.<br />
<br />
The controls are really easy to learn. We've got an attack, a jump, a weapon, and a special. Choke slam a bitch through the wall, slam some heads together, or just jump at them in a really awkward chest-bump type move. He's the Goddamn Batman.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQRKpLwIO4I/AAAAAAAAAaI/eW0qRtZaWOI/s1600/real+games+batmanr+goddamn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQRKpLwIO4I/AAAAAAAAAaI/eW0qRtZaWOI/s320/real+games+batmanr+goddamn.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size: x-small;">I usually try to avoid memes, but this is the last Batman game that I will get to review. It had to be done.</span></div><br />
Audio is pretty rocking, starting off with the theme we all know and love. The stage music is alright as well, but it can get a little repetitive at times. Not a whole lot to talk about here, so lets move on.<br />
<br />
Graphically, this game shines. The cut scenes from the movie are great. The stage designs are excellent. All of the sprites are done very well. There isn't a lot to complain about here. It's an all around good job.<br />
<br />
The gameplay is nothing unique. This is your basic beat 'em up in which everything is done very well. As I have said before, Konami knows their shit. They have successfully managed to make a Movie Licensed game that didn't suck.<br />
<br />
I can't quite give Batman Returns a perfect rating. The music does get annoying, and the game itself is very repetitive. I kept hoping for something new after every stage, but instead I got more of the same. I'm giving it 4 bat signals out of 5. Still a damn fine game, and tons better than the last one I reviewed.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQRKEzdOH6I/AAAAAAAAAaA/HoF1gfIB1pc/s1600/real+games+batmanr+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQRKEzdOH6I/AAAAAAAAAaA/HoF1gfIB1pc/s1600/real+games+batmanr+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQRKEzdOH6I/AAAAAAAAAaA/HoF1gfIB1pc/s1600/real+games+batmanr+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQRKEzdOH6I/AAAAAAAAAaA/HoF1gfIB1pc/s1600/real+games+batmanr+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQRKEzdOH6I/AAAAAAAAAaA/HoF1gfIB1pc/s1600/real+games+batmanr+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQRKEzdOH6I/AAAAAAAAAaA/HoF1gfIB1pc/s1600/real+games+batmanr+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQRKEzdOH6I/AAAAAAAAAaA/HoF1gfIB1pc/s1600/real+games+batmanr+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQRKEzdOH6I/AAAAAAAAAaA/HoF1gfIB1pc/s1600/real+games+batmanr+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQRKMBHCR6I/AAAAAAAAAaE/P7D_h_cDEzI/s1600/real+games+batmanr+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TQRKMBHCR6I/AAAAAAAAAaE/P7D_h_cDEzI/s1600/real+games+batmanr+rate1.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/hPzqqKJGleY?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/hPzqqKJGleY?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Even the ending looks awesome. Or maybe I'm just used to seeing generic crap endings. Either way, I liked it.</span></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-20339184267243014452010-12-09T19:35:00.000-08:002010-12-09T19:35:44.811-08:00Sorry GuysMy courses are kicking my ass these last couple of weeks, along with family holiday stuff. So, I obviously won't be pumping out a game every day. I'll try to get some out over the weekend, and I'll have my Christmas themed review up when we get a little closer, so have patience. <br />
<br />
tl;dr - My quest isn't over, I'm just on a really fucked up schedule until my break.<br />
<br />
P.S. - Thanks for all of the support you guys have shown so far. Your comments make my job a lot easier. Knowing that others are gaining enjoyment out of my misery really keeps me going.Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-29186362498150117342010-12-07T18:21:00.000-08:002010-12-07T18:21:29.861-08:00REAL GAMES - BATMAN FOREVERFinally! I'm done with the fishing games! Now lets see what I have next. No. NO. DEAR GOD NO!<br />
<br />
The year is 1995. It is Christmas, and an innocent 12 year old is unwrapping a small rectangular shaped box. He sees the all too common red letters that read Super Nintendo. He quickly finishes unwrapping the box to see what glorious game he had just received. Batman Forever. The child is giddy and full of glee as he absolutely loves Batman. However, that joy would not last. No...it definitely did not last.<br />
<br />
As he started the game, he smiled with anticipation. The intro reminded him of the movie by the same name that he had saw earlier that year. He loved the idea of playing as either Batman or Robin, as he had never had such an option in previous Batman games. He still chose Batman, because nobody ever wants to play as Robin. Although he wasn't a big fan of the movie, he was sure that the game would be better. Soon, his naive assumptions would cost him dearly.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP7fgub1U5I/AAAAAAAAAZw/LhNhqXly8fs/s1600/real+games+bandr+robin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP7fgub1U5I/AAAAAAAAAZw/LhNhqXly8fs/s320/real+games+bandr+robin.jpg" width="260" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA</span></div><br />
While fighting through a section of the first level, the child was impressed with the controls. They were very reminiscent of Mortal Kombat in a beat 'em up style of game, and he loved some Mortal Kombat. However, these same controls would be his downfall! Not even halfway through the first level, the child's fun came to a complete stop. You see, the stage required the use of the grappling hook, but the instruction manual had nothing on how to use it. There was no GameFAQs to help...and despite pushing every button he could think of, there was no way up. His brand new Christmas gift lasted a total of 3 minutes. This is where his journey would come to an end for 15 years. Now, I know what must be done, and it angers me. Select + Up? SERIOUSLY? There are more stupid parts that involve jumping down holes, which required Down + R. WHO THE FUCK MADE THESE CONTROLS?<br />
<br />
Now that I am done narrating the game that killed Christmas, I can go back to reviewing as I always do. With the sound portion of this game, we are forced to listen to gloomy tracks being looped, as per usual with movie licensed games. They didn't even bother to add the iconic Batman theme from the movies. Hell, I would have settled for the 1966 Batman theme.<br />
<br />
Graphics were pretty good, but that is also on par for movie licensed games. A lot of the scenes look close to their movie counterpart. Unfortunately, that movie was Batman Forever.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP7gxfXwnhI/AAAAAAAAAZ0/0IW35RRyO6M/s1600/real+games+bandr+luls.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="209" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP7gxfXwnhI/AAAAAAAAAZ0/0IW35RRyO6M/s320/real+games+bandr+luls.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I want a game based on THIS movie. Fund it damn you...</span></div><br />
Now for the important part, the gameplay. The fighting controls make this a very unique beat 'em up. Sweep kick, uppercut, or just punch them in the dick...it's all fun for the first 10 minutes or so. Unfortunately, this game offers nothing after that.<br />
<br />
So, if this fucking game had not ruined my Christmas, would I have liked it? Probably. At least for a little while. But there is absolutely no fucking excuse for these shitty controls. NONE. I give it 1 Bat-Signal out of 5. Some of you may say that is a bit harsh, but think about that poor 12 year old. His entire holiday was destroyed by this piece of shit. If anything, I gave it more than it deserves.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP7oCCUPuXI/AAAAAAAAAZ4/YeF6qEtEGVQ/s1600/real+games+bandr+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP7oCCUPuXI/AAAAAAAAAZ4/YeF6qEtEGVQ/s1600/real+games+bandr+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP7oCkoHGVI/AAAAAAAAAZ8/L365B033gH4/s1600/real+games+bandr+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP7oCkoHGVI/AAAAAAAAAZ8/L365B033gH4/s1600/real+games+bandr+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP7oCkoHGVI/AAAAAAAAAZ8/L365B033gH4/s1600/real+games+bandr+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP7oCkoHGVI/AAAAAAAAAZ8/L365B033gH4/s1600/real+games+bandr+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP7oCkoHGVI/AAAAAAAAAZ8/L365B033gH4/s1600/real+games+bandr+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP7oCkoHGVI/AAAAAAAAAZ8/L365B033gH4/s1600/real+games+bandr+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP7oCkoHGVI/AAAAAAAAAZ8/L365B033gH4/s1600/real+games+bandr+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP7oCkoHGVI/AAAAAAAAAZ8/L365B033gH4/s1600/real+games+bandr+rate1.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/IMg7CYJ0MNw?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/IMg7CYJ0MNw?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I finally beat this game 15 years later...and this is what I get? Fuck you, game.</span></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-88870463657638576032010-12-06T18:36:00.000-08:002010-12-07T07:32:16.629-08:00REAL GAMES - BASSIN'S BLACK BASS WITH HANK PARKERWow! A fishing game with Hank Parker!! That would probably be awesome if I had any idea who the hell Hank Parker was.<br />
<br />
Bassin's Black Bass is a fishing game like no other. At least, none that I have played before. From start to finish, this game does not feel like your typical fishing sport type of game. In fact, it actually feels more like a RPG than anything else. An RPG based on fishing...who comes up with this crap?<br />
<br />
The intro for this game is really weird. RPG music with a detailed story on how your one true goal is to become the best fisherman alive and how nothing will stop you. Then you get to create your own fisherman (or fisherlady), complete with name and character design. When you finally get past all of the dialog, you have the option of taking a guide with you. Don't do it. The guide doesn't help you at all. His only purpose is to sit there and call you a dumb ass for not knowing how to fish. It gets old real damn quick.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP2T5LSR6SI/AAAAAAAAAZM/ZC0J7rdnodQ/s1600/real+games+bass3+forman.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP2T5LSR6SI/AAAAAAAAAZM/ZC0J7rdnodQ/s320/real+games+bass3+forman.jpg" width="245" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Real men are born already skilled at fishing, dumbass.</span></div><br />
The controls are awkward, every button does something or brings up menus with even more somethings...ugh. A fishing game shouldn't require 30 buttons. Also, the boat controls for this game are stiff and non-responsive, so enjoy bouncing off of rocks.<br />
<br />
The music is really good, but it doesn't fit with the theme of the game. I'm playing a fishing game while listening to music one would expect to find in an RPG. I guess I can't complain too much though, as it is better than the last couple of games I've played.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP2Voeuxd-I/AAAAAAAAAZQ/I0XjJ7zmCD0/s1600/real+games+bass3+wtf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="198" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP2Voeuxd-I/AAAAAAAAAZQ/I0XjJ7zmCD0/s320/real+games+bass3+wtf.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I have no clue what is going on in this picture, but this is what the music makes me think of.</span></div><br />
Graphics are so-so. The character sprites are decent, while the fishing stage designs are mediocre. The stage designs actually make the fishing more difficult, but I'm pretty sure that was intended. Pretty much what one would expect from a fishing game.<br />
<br />
The gameplay for Bassin's is a lot different than the previous two fishing games. Instead of underwater cam, it sticks with an overhead view for a more realistic fishing style. Both styles of fishing have their own pros and cons, but I personally prefer the underwater cam style. If I want realism, I have a fishing pole and a lake just a couple of miles from where I live. I play games to have fun, not to substitute actual activities. Other than my nitpicking, there isn't a lot to complain about other than how boring this and every other fishing game I have played has been.<br />
<br />
So how did Bassin's Black Bass compare with the other fishing games? Well, I'm giving it 2 soul-less announcers out of 5. I feel that it belongs right in the middle of the previous fishing games. Not my kind of gameplay, but awesome (albeit out of place) music.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP2S_wLSLAI/AAAAAAAAAZE/KJvDJuwLS84/s1600/real+games+bass3+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP2S_wLSLAI/AAAAAAAAAZE/KJvDJuwLS84/s1600/real+games+bass3+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP2S_wLSLAI/AAAAAAAAAZE/KJvDJuwLS84/s1600/real+games+bass3+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP2S_wLSLAI/AAAAAAAAAZE/KJvDJuwLS84/s1600/real+games+bass3+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP2TAd87lTI/AAAAAAAAAZI/qbQQOoWHHLk/s1600/real+games+bass3+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP2TAd87lTI/AAAAAAAAAZI/qbQQOoWHHLk/s1600/real+games+bass3+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP2TAd87lTI/AAAAAAAAAZI/qbQQOoWHHLk/s1600/real+games+bass3+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP2TAd87lTI/AAAAAAAAAZI/qbQQOoWHHLk/s1600/real+games+bass3+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP2TAd87lTI/AAAAAAAAAZI/qbQQOoWHHLk/s1600/real+games+bass3+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TP2TAd87lTI/AAAAAAAAAZI/qbQQOoWHHLk/s1600/real+games+bass3+rate1.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/KKehH3SKZH8?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/KKehH3SKZH8?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Master-Baiter is the supreme fishing champion.</span></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-77387769218461160312010-12-05T22:15:00.000-08:002010-12-05T22:15:47.660-08:00REAL GAMES - BASS MASTERS CLASSIC PRO EDITIONOh look, a fishing game. (Too tired to make a witty comment) What? This isn't a copy pasta of yesterday's review...this is an enhanced review. You can tell because I used the word "pro" in the title.<br />
<br />
Okay, if you read yesterday's review, you pretty much know what this game is about. So what exactly is different in the "pro edition"? Money. Bass Masters Classic Pro Edition has a couple of small changes, but the biggest difference can be found in the massive amounts of product placement. In the original, you played as goofy named fictional fishermen using fictional reels and rods and so forth. However, someone over at Black Pearl (also known as THQ) envisioned this game as a goldmine. Shortly after, this "enhanced" version came out. This time, it included famous real life fishermen and actual products by major fishing industries. Despite the obvious attempt at cashing in on product placement, the new developers did fix this game up, and they even included bass this time.<br />
<br />
Starting off, we get a new, and pointless title screen. We also have the option between amateur and pro this time around. Unfortunately, my boy Hooker B. Sharp isn't in the pro edition, so I had to settle for the John Ritter look-alike, Shaw Grigsby Jr.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPxyPMn3ZmI/AAAAAAAAAYw/bnbMSXCjidg/s1600/real+games+bass2+shaw2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="233" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPxyPMn3ZmI/AAAAAAAAAYw/bnbMSXCjidg/s320/real+games+bass2+shaw2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Dicks. What an excellent choice in sponsors. I think the advertisement could be a little bigger though.</span></div><br />
First improvement you are likely to notice is the controls have been fixed a bit. The boat can actually go straight this time, and getting stuck isn't nearly as bad. The fishing controls have been tweaked, making it a lot more easier to actually catch fish now. The casting controls, however, are still fucking worthless.<br />
<br />
Audio is the same, but now we can change "radio stations". Unfortunately, in this fucked up fishing universe, the radio only has 2 stations, and the both play the same song FOREVER. Unlike the radio of our universe, where we have millions of stations, and none of them will ever play a song you actually want to hear.<br />
<br />
Graphics had a bit of an overhaul as well, but...it's a fishing game. It's still water, a boat, the lure, and 4 kinds of fish. Now they're just more detailed. It was probably done so the product placement wouldn't look bad.<br />
<br />
Gameplay is A LOT better, mainly due to the fact that they added bass to the game. There's also the fact that the fish actually give a shit about you're lure too. In the previous game, fish would swim around your lure just to be assholes. Now, they just snap your line and take your bait. Much better.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPx8INN4-QI/AAAAAAAAAY0/9X5sYHOaMbI/s1600/real+games+bass2+fish.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="187" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPx8INN4-QI/AAAAAAAAAY0/9X5sYHOaMbI/s320/real+games+bass2+fish.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Fish: Trolls of the Sea</span></div><br />
Bass Masters Classic Pro Edition is a shameless excuse to cash in on product placement, but they did make some improvements. That is why I'm giving this game 2 and half creepy faces out of 5. Make sure to check back tomorrow for another god damn fishing game.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPx91n-devI/AAAAAAAAAY4/NlK5k066O6A/s1600/real+games+bass2+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPx91n-devI/AAAAAAAAAY4/NlK5k066O6A/s1600/real+games+bass2+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPx91n-devI/AAAAAAAAAY4/NlK5k066O6A/s1600/real+games+bass2+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPx91n-devI/AAAAAAAAAY4/NlK5k066O6A/s1600/real+games+bass2+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPx91wNDYzI/AAAAAAAAAY8/n3k98GiD7as/s1600/real+games+bass2+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPx91wNDYzI/AAAAAAAAAY8/n3k98GiD7as/s1600/real+games+bass2+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPx92ULbE_I/AAAAAAAAAZA/SC1RNzLvZUg/s1600/real+games+bass2+rate2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPx92ULbE_I/AAAAAAAAAZA/SC1RNzLvZUg/s1600/real+games+bass2+rate2.png" /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPx92ULbE_I/AAAAAAAAAZA/SC1RNzLvZUg/s1600/real+games+bass2+rate2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPx92ULbE_I/AAAAAAAAAZA/SC1RNzLvZUg/s1600/real+games+bass2+rate2.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/q7G8o7JLESY?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/q7G8o7JLESY?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Well, at least they got the number of fish right this time.</span></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-147363632063630442010-12-04T21:38:00.000-08:002010-12-04T21:38:46.498-08:00REAL GAMES - BASS MASTERS CLASSICOh look, a fishing game. (Too tired to make a witty comment)<br />
<br />
Bass Masters Classic is a game in which you fish for bass. You will never catch bass, but that is the goal of the game. In fact, you will catch everything else, from pike to trout, but no bass. Bass do not exist. One might even say that the bass is a lie. <br />
<br />
Alright, when I play a fishing game, I expect to be on a boat with a selection of lures and reels and such. But not in this game. Oh no, you have to first buy everything you will need from the reels and rods to fish finders and boat engines. Of course, you don't have the money for jack shit, so buy whatever you can afford and get on your boat. You also have to navigate the boat, which is incredibly difficult due to the...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPsdB7KwrTI/AAAAAAAAAYk/QSaya651SfY/s1600/real+games+bass1+boat.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="256" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPsdB7KwrTI/AAAAAAAAAYk/QSaya651SfY/s320/real+games+bass1+boat.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm on a boat, mother fucker. Don't you ever forget.</span> </div><br />
Fucking controls. When you are in the boat, it is nearly impossible to steer the thing straight. Expect to get caught up in rocks and spend the next 15 minutes trying to get unstuck. Then there's the casting controls. First you place the cursor where you want to cast, then it has one of those gauges that require you to push the button right as it hits the line. Don't bother. I've hit that line dead on at least a dozen times, and it still casts wherever the hell it feels like. Last, there's the actual fishing controls. Meh. Requires expert timing, but it is the least flawed of the bunch.<br />
<br />
The music in this game is...unique. When you are fishing, it basically sounds as if you are underwater, complete with the annoying bubbles coming out of your ears sound. However, the music for the rest of the game is one 10 second sample looped into oblivion, so make sure to turn that crap off as soon as possible.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPsjrPrXN8I/AAAAAAAAAYs/oMqRBrFW9N0/s1600/real+games+bass1+water2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPsjrPrXN8I/AAAAAAAAAYs/oMqRBrFW9N0/s320/real+games+bass1+water2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Remember, it's okay to listen to water, but don't try to sing along.</span></div><br />
There are not many visuals in this game. There's water, the boat, your lure, and 4 types of fish. They're decent. The cut scenes, however, range from strange to just creepy (like the guy starring at the tv in the ending below). I don't think that was what they were going for, but that's what we got.<br />
<br />
The gameplay for this is VERY realistic, because I can't catch fish in real life either. Unfortunately, I do not enjoy this game as much as real life fishing. However, I can not figure out what to blame for this. This game genuinely pissed me off, and I have no idea why. Maybe it's because it's challenging, but that is usually a good thing, so again...I don't know.<br />
<br />
I'm giving this game 1 and a half geriatric fishermen out of 5. If you like fishing games, you might actually like this. I don't know. I can only judge it based on how much fun I had personally, and that was next to none. Tomorrow I get to review Bass Masters Classic PRO. It's not even a sequel, it's a god damn "enhanced version", whatever the hell that means.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPsb_UXM-eI/AAAAAAAAAYY/xAYClykCl5s/s1600/real+games+bass1+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPsb_UXM-eI/AAAAAAAAAYY/xAYClykCl5s/s1600/real+games+bass1+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPsb_gHR5iI/AAAAAAAAAYc/5YFXiy3pVFU/s1600/real+games+bass1+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPsb_gHR5iI/AAAAAAAAAYc/5YFXiy3pVFU/s1600/real+games+bass1+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPsb_6PdjxI/AAAAAAAAAYg/rRDKq65Lq0Y/s1600/real+games+bass1+rate2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPsb_6PdjxI/AAAAAAAAAYg/rRDKq65Lq0Y/s1600/real+games+bass1+rate2.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPsb_6PdjxI/AAAAAAAAAYg/rRDKq65Lq0Y/s1600/real+games+bass1+rate2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPsb_6PdjxI/AAAAAAAAAYg/rRDKq65Lq0Y/s1600/real+games+bass1+rate2.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPsb_6PdjxI/AAAAAAAAAYg/rRDKq65Lq0Y/s1600/real+games+bass1+rate2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPsb_6PdjxI/AAAAAAAAAYg/rRDKq65Lq0Y/s1600/real+games+bass1+rate2.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/8Y-ckOaYuWE?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/8Y-ckOaYuWE?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Pay attention during the 0:25 mark, it says I caught 0 fish and yet I won 1st place, and those 0 fish weighed a total of 113 lbs. Glitch much?</span></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-75835291140669097302010-12-02T21:03:00.000-08:002010-12-02T21:03:43.220-08:00REAL GAMES - BARKLEY SHUT UP AND JAMIs it sad that I would rather be playing a Barbie game than this?<br />
<br />
Barkley Shut up and Jam is a basketball game starring Sir Charles himself. Yep. There's not much else to say. Lets see...it's a 2v2 game. There are a few different basketball courts to play in. .....and that's all I've got. However, if you are looking for a crazy game that will keep you both amused and confused, I suggest you check out Barkley Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden. (Full name is actually Tales of Games Studios presents Chef Boyardee's Barkley, Shut up and Jam: Gaiden, Chapter 1 of the Hoopz Barkley Saga) Just to give you an idea of what this game is about, allow me to read you some of the intro.<br />
<br />
<i>The Great B-Ball Purge of 2041, a day so painful to some that it is referred to only as the "B-Ballnacht". Thousands upon thousands of the world's greatest ballers were massacred in a swath of violence and sports bigotry as the game was outlawed worldwide. The reason: the <b>Chaos Dunk</b>, a jam so powerful its mere existence threatens the balance of chaos and order. Among the few ballers and fans that survived the basketball genocide was <b>Charles Barkley</b>, the man capable of performing the "Verboten Jam"...</i><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPh5PssMl6I/AAAAAAAAAX4/_ap0grFRSDc/s1600/real+games+barkley+gaiden.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPh5PssMl6I/AAAAAAAAAX4/_ap0grFRSDc/s320/real+games+barkley+gaiden.png" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Words can not express how awesome this picture is.</span></div><br />
Sounds awesome right? Well, it's free and you can find it using google search, since blogger is a little picky about linking files. Anyway...back to reviewing the boring Super Nintendo game.<br />
<br />
Starting off, we can chose from single, series, or tourney. As for who you're going to play as, let me list off every player in the game. There's Charles Barkley, and a bunch of made up people that are worthless. Choose wisely.<br />
<br />
Controls are blah blah blah. I don't even care. This game is so boring, it makes this review very hard to write. But I guess the controls are alright. They are standard for any basketball game.<br />
<br />
Audio: same music clip looped forever. Sound effects are non-existent. Mute and move on.<br />
<br />
Visuals: it's a basketball game. There's a court and random backgrounds, that are usually retarded. For example, when you play in Houston, there are oil drums in the background. Cause you know, oil. It comes from Texas. And our basketball courts are filled with oil drums. In fact, there are usually cows in the bleachers, but they are hard to see because EVERYONE wears 10 gallon hats and cowboy boots. Did I miss any stereotypes?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPh5v4YLhbI/AAAAAAAAAX8/kzPrl2FTgHM/s1600/real+games+barkley+norris.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="290" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPh5v4YLhbI/AAAAAAAAAX8/kzPrl2FTgHM/s320/real+games+barkley+norris.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size: x-small;">However, not all stereotypes are false.</span></div><br />
Gameplay: Boring. Pick Barkley, never pass or do anything other than run straight and dunk. Guaranteed to win every time. If you pick anyone else, or try to throw the ball instead of dunking, you will lose.<br />
<br />
Barkley Shut up and Jam is very boring, even for a basketball game. It gets 1 Steven Seagal with a mullet out of 5 only because it doesn't really have any problems with it other than being boring. If you want to play a good basketball game for the SNES, play NBA Jam. If you want a fun Barkley game, play Shut up and Jam: Gaiden.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPh4kDli4aI/AAAAAAAAAXw/d5bCbpwME5Y/s1600/real+games+barkley+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPh4kDli4aI/AAAAAAAAAXw/d5bCbpwME5Y/s1600/real+games+barkley+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPh4mYxXBCI/AAAAAAAAAX0/akJxCmaDfvU/s1600/real+games+barkley+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPh4mYxXBCI/AAAAAAAAAX0/akJxCmaDfvU/s1600/real+games+barkley+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPh4mYxXBCI/AAAAAAAAAX0/akJxCmaDfvU/s1600/real+games+barkley+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPh4mYxXBCI/AAAAAAAAAX0/akJxCmaDfvU/s1600/real+games+barkley+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPh4mYxXBCI/AAAAAAAAAX0/akJxCmaDfvU/s1600/real+games+barkley+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPh4mYxXBCI/AAAAAAAAAX0/akJxCmaDfvU/s1600/real+games+barkley+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPh4mYxXBCI/AAAAAAAAAX0/akJxCmaDfvU/s1600/real+games+barkley+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPh4mYxXBCI/AAAAAAAAAX0/akJxCmaDfvU/s1600/real+games+barkley+rate1.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/WFSxdiDQpmk?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/WFSxdiDQpmk?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Why did I even record this?</span></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-23761007385171169732010-12-01T10:00:00.000-08:002010-12-01T10:00:02.297-08:00REAL GAMES - BARBIE: VACATION ADVENTURENext on my list is...fuck. Another Barbie game? How many of these things did they make?<br />
<br />
Barbie: Vacation Adventure is another game based on the doll. Hell, it's even made by the same people. While this game does have some similarities with Barbie Super Model, I find that this is the superior Barbie game. Wow, I never thought I would say that in my lifetime. Anyway, the developers put a little more effort into it this time, but not much.<br />
<br />
Again, we start off with no story at all. Just a map of the US with 5 states to chose from. We got Wyoming, Iowa, Florida, California, and the state I am currently residing - Texas. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPWy2kIxESI/AAAAAAAAAXo/kSSRgEIid_s/s1600/real+games+barbieva+texas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="294" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPWy2kIxESI/AAAAAAAAAXo/kSSRgEIid_s/s320/real+games+barbieva+texas.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Everything really is bigger in Texas.</span></div><br />
Controls are a complete waste, using only the D-Pad and a single button for every action in the game. I really should keep count of how many Super Nintendo games only use one button. Such a waste.<br />
<br />
Audio is about the same as last time. Decent songs being looped, and short stages to prevent them from becoming tedious. Not a whole lot to say here.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPW0E384lXI/AAAAAAAAAXs/I1O46ZaDCZs/s1600/real+games+barbieva+aqua.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPW0E384lXI/AAAAAAAAAXs/I1O46ZaDCZs/s1600/real+games+barbieva+aqua.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Come on Barbie, Lets go party! Ah ah ah yeah. This song is now stuck in your head. You're welcome.</span></div><br />
The one thing that the developers did improve is the graphics. Don't expect anything stellar, but it is much better than the previous Barbie entry. It does, however, reverse the problem to some extent. In the other Barbie game, the backgrounds were really good and Barbie looked horrible. Here, Barbie looks really good, but the backgrounds become generic and boring. I guess we can't have both.<br />
<br />
Another vast improvement can be found in the gameplay. Instead of stupid (and difficult) matching games, we are given horse riding, scuba diving, volley ball, and carnival games. While some of these walk the fine line of challenging and annoying, they still provide more enjoyment than matching lipstick and eyeshadow colors.<br />
<br />
So once again, I have to divide this games rating. From a gamer's perspective, I will actually admit this game was fairly decent. From the target audience, aka my daughter, we get a very similar rating. "I liked it, it was better than the other one". Therefore, it gets 2 and a half poor product placements out of 5. Seriously. They put the box art for the last game into this one.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPWhjgUfbcI/AAAAAAAAAXc/CsZJdvIg91k/s1600/real+games+barbieva+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPWhjgUfbcI/AAAAAAAAAXc/CsZJdvIg91k/s1600/real+games+barbieva+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPWhjgUfbcI/AAAAAAAAAXc/CsZJdvIg91k/s1600/real+games+barbieva+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPWhjgUfbcI/AAAAAAAAAXc/CsZJdvIg91k/s1600/real+games+barbieva+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPWhmKUocRI/AAAAAAAAAXg/TD2GxIDHrec/s1600/real+games+barbieva+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPWhmKUocRI/AAAAAAAAAXg/TD2GxIDHrec/s1600/real+games+barbieva+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPWhmlvlHtI/AAAAAAAAAXk/6qIiGrJLA8Q/s1600/real+games+barbieva+rate2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPWhmlvlHtI/AAAAAAAAAXk/6qIiGrJLA8Q/s1600/real+games+barbieva+rate2.png" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPWhmlvlHtI/AAAAAAAAAXk/6qIiGrJLA8Q/s1600/real+games+barbieva+rate2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPWhmlvlHtI/AAAAAAAAAXk/6qIiGrJLA8Q/s1600/real+games+barbieva+rate2.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/f6eYARwafzQ?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/f6eYARwafzQ?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wow, and I thought the last ending was pointless.</span></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com47tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-3259949029125905882010-11-30T09:30:00.000-08:002010-11-30T09:30:33.675-08:00REAL GAMES - BARBIE SUPER MODELI've done cartoon licensed, comic licensed, and movie licensed games...and now, my first ever toy licensed game.<br />
<br />
Barbie. Seriously? Fine. Barbie Super Model is a game based entirely on the popular doll for girls, or boys that are a little light in the loafers, if you know what I mean. I have no clue what kind of game this is. I can not categorize it as any type of genre I have ever played before. It's listed as an educational game, but I didn't learn shit.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPReiQGTpNI/AAAAAAAAAXM/7HEFW5iuegs/s1600/real+games+barbiesm+sorry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPReiQGTpNI/AAAAAAAAAXM/7HEFW5iuegs/s320/real+games+barbiesm+sorry.jpg" width="254" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I've got some bad news to tell you...it's about your son. He likes to play with Barbie dolls.</span></div><br />
I'm not really sure what is supposed to be going on. From what I gathered, the story for this game is just Barbie dreaming about stuff. Stupid and uneventful stuff.<br />
<br />
Controls are straight forward. You have a button to speed up and a button to slow down for the actual stages. Then you can use all of the buttons to change the color of clothes or makeup for the mini games.<br />
<br />
Audio isn't too bad. The songs are looped, but the stages are short, so it's tolerable.<br />
<br />
Graphically this game is kind of good. The sprites of Barbie are god awful, but the backgrounds look okay. During the mini games, Barbie looks a lot better as she is trying on different outfits or makeup. And the further this review goes, the less manly I feel. I need to go open jars or fix some cars.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPRlYs4xV8I/AAAAAAAAAXQ/0Npeo0n1uEI/s1600/real+games+barbiesm+manly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="272" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPRlYs4xV8I/AAAAAAAAAXQ/0Npeo0n1uEI/s320/real+games+barbiesm+manly.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">After this review, I'm going to wrestle some bears. Cause I'm a man.</span></div><br />
Gameplay wise, this game is actually hard. I'm not sure what the minimum score that is required to win is, but it took me a few tries to actually beat the game. This minigames are all about memorizing a picture that is shown to you for 3 seconds, and then reproducing it. The main game is about avoiding obstacles while grabbing stars. You have to master both of these if you ever want to see the ending. Or, you could just watch the video at the end of the review.<br />
<br />
So, what's the verdict? Well, from a gamer's perspective, it's pretty lame. But I'm not who this game was intended for. So, what does my daughter have to say about Barbie Super Model? "This game is shitty." I had to scold her for cursing (she's only 9), but I do value her judgment. Therefore, I'm giving it 1 falling Barbie out of 5.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPRmZleqt7I/AAAAAAAAAXU/CQl3MmmVAq8/s1600/real+games+barbiesm+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPRmZleqt7I/AAAAAAAAAXU/CQl3MmmVAq8/s1600/real+games+barbiesm+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPRmbFqn-7I/AAAAAAAAAXY/KesPxBldzaA/s1600/real+games+barbiesm+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPRmbFqn-7I/AAAAAAAAAXY/KesPxBldzaA/s1600/real+games+barbiesm+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPRmbFqn-7I/AAAAAAAAAXY/KesPxBldzaA/s1600/real+games+barbiesm+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPRmbFqn-7I/AAAAAAAAAXY/KesPxBldzaA/s1600/real+games+barbiesm+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPRmbFqn-7I/AAAAAAAAAXY/KesPxBldzaA/s1600/real+games+barbiesm+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPRmbFqn-7I/AAAAAAAAAXY/KesPxBldzaA/s1600/real+games+barbiesm+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPRmbFqn-7I/AAAAAAAAAXY/KesPxBldzaA/s1600/real+games+barbiesm+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPRmbFqn-7I/AAAAAAAAAXY/KesPxBldzaA/s1600/real+games+barbiesm+rate1.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/LYFuHKgZjFs?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/LYFuHKgZjFs?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Seriously? I played through this game multiple times just to see that?</span></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com48tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-3901977005499239452010-11-29T12:02:00.000-08:002010-11-29T12:02:19.416-08:00REAL GAMES - BALLZ 3DThe name of this game is perfect. It lets you know what part of the anatomy it sucks.<br />
<br />
Ballz 3D is a horrible excuse for a fighting game. First problem? Everything is made of balls. Next problem? They try to do 3D on a Super Nintendo. I'm pretty sure they realized how bad this game was because the first thing you see is a screen that says "Ballz" 30+ times. That's pretty funny when you consider that was what my original review of this game was going to consist of as well.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPMt3oQl7sI/AAAAAAAAAWw/lNAfjNLo8ZI/s1600/real+games+ballz+kasumi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPMt3oQl7sI/AAAAAAAAAWw/lNAfjNLo8ZI/s320/real+games+ballz+kasumi.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is the only reason anybody even plays 3D fighting games. Don't bother trying to deny it.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Okay, lets start at the beginning. What kind of amazing story are we going to get with this one? Well, apparently, you have a wish. So you have to fight a dozen people to get it granted. Amazing. Seriously though, if you're going to half ass a story, why even make one to begin with?<br />
<br />
The controls in this game are balls. Did you see what I did there? I'll probably do it again, in case you missed it. Anyway, you have two buttons for jump, two buttons for punch, and two buttons for kick. Both buttons perform the exact same thing however, so I don't really see the point. Special moves are done by throwing your controller down and stomping on it as hard as possible. Well, that's how I did them at least.<br />
<br />
The audio in this game is BALLS. Did you catch it that time? Anyway, at the very start of the game we are given a song with harsh beeps and other strange sounds accompanied by a woman moaning. The rest of the song in this game (Notice I said song, as in singular and not plural. That is not a spelling or grammatical error.) is basically the same thing, just a different cut. Not only is this song bad, but it actually started to hurt after listening to it for too long.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPMrJWlbHKI/AAAAAAAAAWo/yt1HLJUxErM/s1600/real+games+ballz+syndrome.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="254" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPMrJWlbHKI/AAAAAAAAAWo/yt1HLJUxErM/s320/real+games+ballz+syndrome.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who in the fuck made this music? ...oh. Well now I just feel bad.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The graphics in this game is BALLS. No...seriously. Everything is made of balls. Sounds pretty stupid, right? Well, it is. Every stage looks the same, every fighter looks the same, every move looks the same. There's a screen that displays messages in the background, but none of these messages make sense. The 3D aspect of this game is just as bad as you would imagine for the Super Nintendo. Stand up and spin around as fast as you can if you want to experience what this game has to offer.<br />
<br />
This gameplay for Ballz 3D is non existent. Do you know why modern 3D button mashers succeed? Good story, awesome music, and stunning graphics. None of which does this game have.<br />
<br />
The tagline for this game was, "To be the champion, you gotta have Ballz!", in which I respond with, "You also need balls if you want testicular cancer". And thus, I give this game 0 balls out of 5. Avoid at all cost.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/JbdOmKYh6h0?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/JbdOmKYh6h0?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">This game doesn't even have an ending. Once you beat it, you get turned into something else...and the game automatically starts over as that character.</span></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-84187298436675441612010-11-28T10:16:00.000-08:002010-11-28T10:16:00.358-08:00REAL GAMES - B.O.B.Today's game is brought to you by the letter B! That's right folks, I have finished the games starting with numbers and A. Yay!<br />
<br />
B.O.B. is a typical platforming game brought to us by none other than Electronic Arts. And it sucks. What's that? You want some back story? Okay. I hate EA as a company, and I usually transfer that rage onto their games. However, for the sake of my quest, I will put aside my hatred and attempt to play and judge their games with fairness and equality. With that being said, this game still sucks.<br />
<br />
We start the game with an intro so boring, that 90% of the text actually says "blah blah blah". This was probably done in an attempt to be funny, but it fails. Basically, you play an alien, (that looks like a Thri-Kreen from the D&D Dark Sun settings), who crashes his dad's flying car on the way to picking up his date. And I've already lost interest...good job, game.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPIBFuld2WI/AAAAAAAAAWY/j7WhEcKIIds/s1600/real+games+bob+thrikreen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPIBFuld2WI/AAAAAAAAAWY/j7WhEcKIIds/s320/real+games+bob+thrikreen.jpg" width="195" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thri-Kreen: The very definition of overpowered.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>One thing I can't bitch about is the controls. Every button is used, and yet it remains very simple to learn. Punch, jump, gun, remote. Shoulder buttons cycle through the various guns and remotes.<br />
<br />
I can, however, bitch about the music. 90% of the music in this game is horrendous. For example, the intro music actually hurt my ears with its high pitched squeels and beeps. And the sound effects are complete garbage. There are some catchy songs in this game, all of which are techno\synth and somewhat fit the setting for this game, but they are far and few between.<br />
<br />
Graphically, this game isn't very impressive either. The sprite animation is decent, but this game lacks in everything else. The stage designs are boring, unimaginative, and almost as generic as the enemy designs.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPIFE9Qe76I/AAAAAAAAAWc/-QfefHScwE0/s1600/real+games+bob+tired.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPIFE9Qe76I/AAAAAAAAAWc/-QfefHScwE0/s320/real+games+bob+tired.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I had the same expression on my face throughout this entire game.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The gameplay is what you would expect. It's a platformer that offers nothing new. It's fairly easy and offers no real challenge. Take a bare platformer, slap the alien in it, throw in some corny 90's catch phrases, and voila! You have B.O.B.<br />
<br />
I can't say that this game disappointed me, as I really didn't expect much to begin with. I went in expecting a lame excuse for a platformer, and EA delivered. Yay for them. 1 boring enemy out of 5. Not a good way to start off a new letter, EA.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPIICdqL7LI/AAAAAAAAAWg/99nuAomwnCM/s1600/real+games+bob+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPIICdqL7LI/AAAAAAAAAWg/99nuAomwnCM/s1600/real+games+bob+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPIIFiiQ5CI/AAAAAAAAAWk/ojXLajdw1Y4/s1600/real+games+bob+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPIIFiiQ5CI/AAAAAAAAAWk/ojXLajdw1Y4/s1600/real+games+bob+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPIIFiiQ5CI/AAAAAAAAAWk/ojXLajdw1Y4/s1600/real+games+bob+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPIIFiiQ5CI/AAAAAAAAAWk/ojXLajdw1Y4/s1600/real+games+bob+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPIIFiiQ5CI/AAAAAAAAAWk/ojXLajdw1Y4/s1600/real+games+bob+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPIIFiiQ5CI/AAAAAAAAAWk/ojXLajdw1Y4/s1600/real+games+bob+rate1.png" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPIIFiiQ5CI/AAAAAAAAAWk/ojXLajdw1Y4/s1600/real+games+bob+rate1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPIIFiiQ5CI/AAAAAAAAAWk/ojXLajdw1Y4/s1600/real+games+bob+rate1.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/RNL3_MrLYyk?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/RNL3_MrLYyk?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-52620684947255228162010-11-27T15:04:00.000-08:002010-11-27T15:04:45.251-08:00REAL GAMES - AXELAYWhat the hell? Two really good games in a row? My luck must be changing!<br />
<br />
Axelay is an aerial shooter made by Konami. The word Konami is generally synonymous with the word awesome, and this game is no exception. Axelay is what the aerial shooter genre should strive to be. It's difficult to explain why this game is so amazing without going into further detail, so lets get this review going.<br />
<br />
The game starts with a cut scene very reminiscent of the movie Independence Day. The only real difference is, this planet didn't have Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum to save the day. So, it went boom. In fact, the entire solar system's defenses have been destroyed, except for one ship. The Axelay. One badass intro for one badass game.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPF5UHGG3RI/AAAAAAAAAWM/gniYNPpqzwI/s1600/real+games+axelay+willow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPF5UHGG3RI/AAAAAAAAAWM/gniYNPpqzwI/s320/real+games+axelay+willow.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In a world without Will Smith, we would probably lose to the aliens. But at least we wouldn't have to hear about how his daughter whips her hair back and forth.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Control wise is a little different than the traditional aerial shooter. Instead of just shooting and dodging, Axelay has a variety of weapons to choose from, and each of them have different forms of attacks. Holding the button down will shoot in a straight line, but letting go will perform an arc of fire around you. Experiment with each gun to learn new tricks, as it will be vital to pass just the first stage.<br />
<br />
The music for this game is top notch. If you like listening to game soundtracks, I would definitely suggest checking out Axelay. Every stage offers very motivating and heavy tunes to jam out to while you are blowing shit up.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPF6-1aZe3I/AAAAAAAAAWQ/d2WErp3gJlA/s1600/real+games+axelay+explosion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="168" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPF6-1aZe3I/AAAAAAAAAWQ/d2WErp3gJlA/s320/real+games+axelay+explosion.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Every explosion needs an awesome soundtrack. I personally blow shit up to Mussorgsky's Night on Bald Mountain. Something about that song makes me want to put on the spandex and dance around as buildings around me explode. Don't judge me.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Graphics are superb as well. Everything from the cut scenes and the parallax scrolling backgrounds to the Axelay sprite itself is done with great detail and excellent colors. The boss designs are very complex, and the Axelay's weapons are very flashy as well. Very impressive.<br />
<br />
The gameplay in Axelay is extremely difficult. Unlike most aerial shooters that require you to dodge only enemies and bullets, Axelay throws in stage elements as well. For example, a huge chunk of debris is falling towards you that you can not dodge, so you blow it up. Then you have to dodge the tiny chunks of debris that result from the explosion...or you can blow them up as well. Meanwhile, enemies are shooting lasers at you and leaving nasty traps for you to blow up on. All of this happens in a matter of seconds, and only your fast reflexes can save your ass.<br />
<br />
Axelay is absolutely amazing. From start to finish, this game offers only fun. 5 Axelay ships out of 5. I honestly doubt that any other aerial shooter for the Super Nintendo will even come close to comparing to this masterpiece.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPGOQXN2UGI/AAAAAAAAAWU/H69vRTmh3_c/s1600/real+games+axelay+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPGOQXN2UGI/AAAAAAAAAWU/H69vRTmh3_c/s1600/real+games+axelay+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPGOQXN2UGI/AAAAAAAAAWU/H69vRTmh3_c/s1600/real+games+axelay+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPGOQXN2UGI/AAAAAAAAAWU/H69vRTmh3_c/s1600/real+games+axelay+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPGOQXN2UGI/AAAAAAAAAWU/H69vRTmh3_c/s1600/real+games+axelay+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPGOQXN2UGI/AAAAAAAAAWU/H69vRTmh3_c/s1600/real+games+axelay+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPGOQXN2UGI/AAAAAAAAAWU/H69vRTmh3_c/s1600/real+games+axelay+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPGOQXN2UGI/AAAAAAAAAWU/H69vRTmh3_c/s1600/real+games+axelay+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPGOQXN2UGI/AAAAAAAAAWU/H69vRTmh3_c/s1600/real+games+axelay+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TPGOQXN2UGI/AAAAAAAAAWU/H69vRTmh3_c/s1600/real+games+axelay+rate.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/VM2a3vqLCck?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/VM2a3vqLCck?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166981839036372923.post-30828654962574511732010-11-24T14:04:00.000-08:002010-11-24T14:04:24.494-08:00REAL GAMES - ASTERIX AND OBELIXOnce again, the sequel proves to be superior over the original in every way.<br />
<br />
Much like yesterday's review, Asterix and Obelix is a platforming game based on the French comic by the same name. Unlike Asterix, however, this game is fun. Everything that was wrong with the first game has been fixed, and everything that was already good has been improved upon. I already went over the source material yesterday, so lets skip all of that and get to the review.<br />
<br />
This time around, the game actually gives us a story. It is very brief, but it explains a whole hell of a lot more than Asterix did. Another improvement that you will find right at the beginning is the ability to choose between Asterix or Obelix. We also have a password system, because unlike Asterix, this game takes longer than 50 minutes to beat. So far, we are off to a great start.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TO2HdOnticI/AAAAAAAAAVs/FOH-rHEMzr0/s1600/real+games+obelix+gerard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TO2HdOnticI/AAAAAAAAAVs/FOH-rHEMzr0/s320/real+games+obelix+gerard.jpg" width="214" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This time we get to play as Obelix, also known as Gerard Depardieu.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>So how about the controls? Well, they are pretty much the same, except they got rid of those annoying camera control buttons. Just that one tiny change, however, has made this game a lot less frustrating.<br />
<br />
The improvements keep coming, in the form of audio. Every stage has its own unique background music, and there are a lot of stages. So even though this game is a bit longer, the music never gets old or annoying. Excellent.<br />
<br />
Everything visual about this game has been remastered. Even though the sprites in Asterix were good, they have managed to make them look a lot better this time around. The stage design and variations of enemies have also improved substantially. Instead of random shapes for backgrounds, we are given highly detailed scenes that look as if they were directly taken from the source material. This game also has some crazy attention to detail for the animations. For example, when you uppercut an enemy off the screen, you can see them crashing back down to earth in the background. It's those type of things that make this game stand out from the rest.<br />
<br />
The biggest problem with the gameplay in Asterix was the lack there of. Asterix and Obelix definitely does not suffer from this problem, as it has tons of stages and challenges. But it's still just a platforming game, right? Yes, and no. It does offer the traditional challenges of a platforming game, but it also has mini games strewn about to add a touch of originality. For example, you get to face off against the Romans in a game of Rugby, compete in the Olympics, build a palace for Cleopatra, and participate in a bullfight. This game is all over the place, but in a good way.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TO2KQJKfvmI/AAAAAAAAAVw/uG7pM7NTtRs/s1600/real+games+obelix+peta.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="248" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TO2KQJKfvmI/AAAAAAAAAVw/uG7pM7NTtRs/s320/real+games+obelix+peta.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Naked Truth: You're all ugly and flat. Bullfighting is awesome.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>I loved this game. 5 laughing vikings out of 5. The French have finally delivered a great game. There's really not much else to say. If you are a fan of the comic, play this game. If you want to see how platform games should be done, play this game. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TO2Gi1ZgNEI/AAAAAAAAAVo/O9gLelqgA24/s1600/real+games+obelix+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TO2Gi1ZgNEI/AAAAAAAAAVo/O9gLelqgA24/s1600/real+games+obelix+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TO2Gi1ZgNEI/AAAAAAAAAVo/O9gLelqgA24/s1600/real+games+obelix+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TO2Gi1ZgNEI/AAAAAAAAAVo/O9gLelqgA24/s1600/real+games+obelix+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TO2Gi1ZgNEI/AAAAAAAAAVo/O9gLelqgA24/s1600/real+games+obelix+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TO2Gi1ZgNEI/AAAAAAAAAVo/O9gLelqgA24/s1600/real+games+obelix+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TO2Gi1ZgNEI/AAAAAAAAAVo/O9gLelqgA24/s1600/real+games+obelix+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TO2Gi1ZgNEI/AAAAAAAAAVo/O9gLelqgA24/s1600/real+games+obelix+rate.png" /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TO2Gi1ZgNEI/AAAAAAAAAVo/O9gLelqgA24/s1600/real+games+obelix+rate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aL228cuWfwo/TO2Gi1ZgNEI/AAAAAAAAAVo/O9gLelqgA24/s1600/real+games+obelix+rate.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/vC2WmNXtV30?hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/vC2WmNXtV30?hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div>Classically Trained Nubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744828554334832392noreply@blogger.com22