Yeah, yeah...I know.

Blah blah blah, I haven't posted in a while.  Well, there is many reasons for this, but I'll just list the few that I think are significant.

1. School has been kicking my ass.  I'm taking a shitty course that is destroying me mentally.  It's an absolutely pointless course that is dragging me down and it is affecting everything I do.  I have finals in a few weeks, so this shit will be over soon.

2. I've been waiting for Bazooka Blitzkrieg to get here.  I ordered it.  They shipped it.  It has traveled to every corner of this fucking planet and back, but it still isn't here.  I've had things shipped from overseas that got here faster than this fucking game, which is about an 8 hour drive from where I live.  And the reason I'm waiting for this game is because I wanted to do something special for you guys...but I might be too old to do it by the time it gets here.

3. The next game on the list is Bebe's Kids.  I hate that game.  Everybody hates that game.  And, every popular reviewer has reviewed it, ranted on it, and destroyed it.  So what the hell can I add to it?  Fuck if I know, but I'll work on it.

So, there you go.  I'm a lazy fuck, but I haven't been neglecting you guys on purpose.  That course has literally sapped me of every ounce of energy.  Not only that, but it has put me into a seriously pissy mood that isn't good for anyone, as I can't be funny when I'm in that state of mind.

tl;dr - I suck, I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you guys soon.

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REAL GAMES - BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD

Uh huh huh huh...huh huh huh, yeah, huh huh huh.

Beavis and Butt-head is not your typical side scrolling beat 'em up.  Okay...maybe it is, but it's still a surprisingly good game for a TV Licensed beat 'em up.  Normally, this is where I would explain the subject of the game, but it's Beavis and Butt-head.  Who doesn't know about Mike Judge's greatest creation?  Yeah, I said it.  King of the Hill is good, and his movies are a toss up of perfection or absolute shit, but Beavis and Butt-head is comedy gold.  Deal with it, fartknocker.

Starting the game, we get the original warning telling us not to try these things at home and a rather strange story intro.  GWAR is having a concert, and in order for the boys to go, they have to do "cool things" in order to get in free.  At least, that's the plan.

When your demonic space overlords demand tribute, you better aim to impress.

Oh look, another game that uses only 2 buttons.  (Insert rant about lazy developers being bungholes here)

The audio for this game really confuses me.  At the start we are given a midi rendition of the iconic Beavis and Butt-head theme, but then the game uses voice rendering and clips from the show.  If they had the technology and capabilities of using clips, then why does it destroy the theme song with midi?  Why can we never have good music AND good sound effects?

If you like the art style of the cartoon, then you will love this game.  They have managed to render the sprites and stage designs almost identical to the show.  Excellent.

This "movie" probably wouldn't have been so bad if it had stuck to the show's animated art style.  Some things should never be made into live action.

Okay, they managed to get the voices and animation perfect, but what about the gameplay?  Well, it's fun, but it is not without its problems.  With most beat 'em up games, one can find a rhythm or pattern in how the enemies appear and attack.  In Beavis and Butt-head, everything is random, and at times there is so much crap happening on the screen that you are guaranteed to die.  The boss fights are also ridiculous and take pure luck instead of skill.  But if you can get past these hangups, the game can be really fun.

Beavis and Butt-head is a blast from the past, and nostalgia is probably playing a big part in my final decision...but I'm giving it 3.5 Billy Bobs out of 5.  I can only hope the new Beavis and Butthead episodes will be this good.

I never understood why games feel the need to show us the stages we beat.  Yes, I am well aware that I beat that stage, as well as the rest of the game.  That is why I am watching the end credits.

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R.I.P. Bazooka Blitzkrieg

My copy of Bazooka Blitzkrieg died while being played earlier this evening. It was nearly two decades old. It will be remembered.

In the middle of blowing shit up, the game just stopped working. At first I thought the worse, that my beloved Super Nintendo had died. Luckily, it was just the game. So, no review of Bazooka Blitzkrieg until I can find another copy (5 seconds on eBay, tops). Don't worry though, I'll just update the status to "pending" and continue down the list to the next game.

As for other updates, I added a polite anti-ad block script that I slapped together and LinkWithin.  I also worked on the list some more (up to the letter O now), as well as added contact info to the FAQ.

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REAL GAMES - BATTLETOADS IN BATTLEMANIACS

God damn!  This game is a pain in the dick.

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs is another beat 'em up that features the Ninja Turtle rejects: Rash, Zitz, and Pimple.  You may have heard about the original Nintendo game Battletoads and how insanely hard it was.  Well, the Super Nintendo version is not as bad as that, but it's pretty damn close.  Needless to say, I raged a lot...but I'm okay now.  It's over, and I am done with the Battletoads.  All that is left is to finish this review.

When 4 turtles 3 toads get exposed to the ooze toad essence they transform into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Battletoads.

Despite the name of this being Battletoads, the entire game focuses on Pimple (unless you're playing 2 player, which lets you play as Rash).  The opening story takes us to the Battletoad's lair, which is in Asia for some reason.  T.Bird has invented a virtual reality game, and somehow the Dark Queen manages to use it to kidnap an Asian girl and Zitz.  So are we playing in the virtual reality game?  No.  You jump through the screen, but later you fly your Battlecopter back to the base, so I have no clue what the hell is going on.  Other than being confusing, the opening is very well done.

GOD DAMN IT!  TWO BUTTONS AGAIN?  FFFFFF--okay...I can do this.  Just have to calm down a bit.  Two buttons, one to attack, one to jump.  One of the other 6 buttons is used as a taunt.  The taunt does nothing.

To make up for the lazy ass controls, the music is badass.  Bitchin' 90s tunes for a bitchin' game.  Bitchin.

The graphics are also a major step up from the original NES version, and the Battletoads\Double Dragon team up from my last review.  Sprite animations are strange, but funny.  Stage designs are interactive and unique to each zone.  My only complaint is that the Dark Queen doesn't look as hot in this one.  That makes me feel a little sad.  In my pants.

Upon doing some "research" on the Dark Queen, I found this lovely gem (minus the censored boxes).  Google image search, I love you.

As I said before, this game is fucking hard.  But it is also fucking fun.  It manages to be challenging, but not annoying...which is very hard to do.  There are a few spots that will have you throwing your controller down, as well as a couple minor flaws, but other than that, it's a perfect beat 'em up.

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs is a great game that is almost perfect.  It is far better than most of the beat 'em up genre that I have played, but it isn't the best.  Therefore, I give it 4 mediocre Dark Queens out of 5.  If you're a fan of the Battletoads or beat 'em up games, then you should definitely give this one a try.

You don't want to know how many tries it took me to get the good ending.  Just be thankful that I could hit that mother fucker at all.

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