Sunday, January 2, 2011


God damn!  This game is a pain in the dick.

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs is another beat 'em up that features the Ninja Turtle rejects: Rash, Zitz, and Pimple.  You may have heard about the original Nintendo game Battletoads and how insanely hard it was.  Well, the Super Nintendo version is not as bad as that, but it's pretty damn close.  Needless to say, I raged a lot...but I'm okay now.  It's over, and I am done with the Battletoads.  All that is left is to finish this review.

When 4 turtles 3 toads get exposed to the ooze toad essence they transform into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Battletoads.

Despite the name of this being Battletoads, the entire game focuses on Pimple (unless you're playing 2 player, which lets you play as Rash).  The opening story takes us to the Battletoad's lair, which is in Asia for some reason.  T.Bird has invented a virtual reality game, and somehow the Dark Queen manages to use it to kidnap an Asian girl and Zitz.  So are we playing in the virtual reality game?  No.  You jump through the screen, but later you fly your Battlecopter back to the base, so I have no clue what the hell is going on.  Other than being confusing, the opening is very well done.

GOD DAMN IT!  TWO BUTTONS AGAIN?  FFFFFF--okay...I can do this.  Just have to calm down a bit.  Two buttons, one to attack, one to jump.  One of the other 6 buttons is used as a taunt.  The taunt does nothing.

To make up for the lazy ass controls, the music is badass.  Bitchin' 90s tunes for a bitchin' game.  Bitchin.

The graphics are also a major step up from the original NES version, and the Battletoads\Double Dragon team up from my last review.  Sprite animations are strange, but funny.  Stage designs are interactive and unique to each zone.  My only complaint is that the Dark Queen doesn't look as hot in this one.  That makes me feel a little sad.  In my pants.

Upon doing some "research" on the Dark Queen, I found this lovely gem (minus the censored boxes).  Google image search, I love you.

As I said before, this game is fucking hard.  But it is also fucking fun.  It manages to be challenging, but not annoying...which is very hard to do.  There are a few spots that will have you throwing your controller down, as well as a couple minor flaws, but other than that, it's a perfect beat 'em up.

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs is a great game that is almost perfect.  It is far better than most of the beat 'em up genre that I have played, but it isn't the best.  Therefore, I give it 4 mediocre Dark Queens out of 5.  If you're a fan of the Battletoads or beat 'em up games, then you should definitely give this one a try.

You don't want to know how many tries it took me to get the good ending.  Just be thankful that I could hit that mother fucker at all.


kold_kadavr _flatliner said... [Reply]


kold_kadavr _flatliner said... [Reply]


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