Monday, December 27, 2010


I really did not want to play this game today.  I kept thinking about the name, and how generic it sounds.  However, when I finally dug through all of my games to find it...I was delightfully surprised to see the Super Scope label on the cartridge.  Fuck yeah, I finally get to use my big ass bazooka peripheral.

Before I begin, I have to bitch about the Super Scope.  Being wireless is awesome, but 6 AA batteries is complete bullshit.  Anyway, Battle Clash is one of the very few first person shooters made for the Super Nintendo.  It is also one of the very few Super Scope games to ever be released.  There are less than a dozen games for this monster of a controller, and if I had to guess why, it would be because this thing was an alkaline guzzling whore.  Even lithium batteries don't stand a chance against this beast.  Not only is this my first Super Scope review, but this is also my first time actually playing a Super Scope game.  Unless you count the "Super Scope 6" that came with it, but those games sucked.  But, enough about the scope, I'm supposed to be reviewing the game.

Dennis Hopper holding a painted Super Scope.  That is the look of a man who just realized he was in a Super Mario Bros movie.  Poor bastard.

This game doesn't bother with an intro or opening story.  Fuck that noise.  You have a bazooka and your goal is to blow shit up, what else do you need to know?  We are given bits of story and dialog before every battle, but nothing is really explained.  We are fighting mecha to get to boss mecha guy, and the previous mecha don't even give a shit about the boss mecha.  The typical dialog after every fight is basically, "Wow.  You've destroyed me.  Kill the boss mecha for us."  I don't understand either...but I do love blowing stuff up.

The controls are...a fucking bazooka.  Seriously, you shoot at the screen.  It's not hard.  Hold the button for machine gun (that is next to worthless), shoot in bursts for energy blasts, or don't push anything until the charge meter is full for a big boom.  There is another button that switches to special weapons you acquire, like the bombs, but they are usually a waste of time.

"Yeah, well, look at it and pull the trigger.  It's really easy"

The music is pretty much the same song over and over.  The sound effects are EXTREMELY lacking.  If I am playing a game in which I am blowing up mecha with a god damn bazooka, I expect loud explosions and laser sounds.  Instead, we get nothing.  Lame.

As for the graphics, my only real complaint is the boring backgrounds.  Other than that, the hi-tech dashboard thing, the mecha, the weapons and explosions...they're all pretty good and provide the proper atmosphere.

This game is fun.  It can be difficult at times, but always fun.  Unfortunately, this game is also short.  There are only 8 stages and a boss, each of which range anywhere from 1 to 5 minutes.  It does offer an increased difficulty mode after you successfully beat it, but even that only adds an additional 30 minutes of gameplay.  Why is it the good games never last long enough?  (except RPGs)

Battle Clash is a very boring title for a pretty decent game.  My final verdict is 3.5 laughing Anubis (Anubi?  Anubises?) out of 5.  If you wasted money on a Super Scope like I did, this game might be a good purchase.  Then again, I don't know many other people that still play their Super Nintendo.

I'm glad I beat it again on hard mode just to see the exact same ending.

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