Thursday, December 2, 2010

REAL GAMES - BARKLEY SHUT UP AND JAM

Is it sad that I would rather be playing a Barbie game than this?

Barkley Shut up and Jam is a basketball game starring Sir Charles himself.  Yep.  There's not much else to say.  Lets see...it's a 2v2 game.  There are a few different basketball courts to play in.  .....and that's all I've got.  However, if you are looking for a crazy game that will keep you both amused and confused, I suggest you check out Barkley Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden.  (Full name is actually Tales of Games Studios presents Chef Boyardee's Barkley, Shut up and Jam: Gaiden, Chapter 1 of the Hoopz Barkley Saga)  Just to give you an idea of what this game is about, allow me to read you some of the intro.

The Great B-Ball Purge of 2041, a day so painful to some that it is referred to only as the "B-Ballnacht". Thousands upon thousands of the world's greatest ballers were massacred in a swath of violence and sports bigotry as the game was outlawed worldwide. The reason: the Chaos Dunk, a jam so powerful its mere existence threatens the balance of chaos and order. Among the few ballers and fans that survived the basketball genocide was Charles Barkley, the man capable of performing the "Verboten Jam"...

Words can not express how awesome this picture is.

Sounds awesome right?  Well, it's free and you can find it using google search, since blogger is a little picky about linking files.  Anyway...back to reviewing the boring Super Nintendo game.

Starting off, we can chose from single, series, or tourney.  As for who you're going to play as, let me list off every player in the game.  There's Charles Barkley, and a bunch of made up people that are worthless.  Choose wisely.

Controls are blah blah blah.  I don't even care.  This game is so boring, it makes this review very hard to write.  But I guess the controls are alright.  They are standard for any basketball game.

Audio: same music clip looped forever.  Sound effects are non-existent.  Mute and move on.

Visuals: it's a basketball game.  There's a court and random backgrounds, that are usually retarded.  For example, when you play in Houston, there are oil drums in the background.  Cause you know, oil.  It comes from Texas.  And our basketball courts are filled with oil drums.  In fact, there are usually cows in the bleachers, but they are hard to see because EVERYONE wears 10 gallon hats and cowboy boots.  Did I miss any stereotypes?

 However, not all stereotypes are false.

Gameplay: Boring.  Pick Barkley, never pass or do anything other than run straight and dunk.  Guaranteed to win every time.  If you pick anyone else, or try to throw the ball instead of dunking, you will lose.

Barkley Shut up and Jam is very boring, even for a basketball game.  It gets 1 Steven Seagal with a mullet out of 5 only because it doesn't really have any problems with it other than being boring.  If you want to play a good basketball game for the SNES, play NBA Jam.  If you want a fun Barkley game, play Shut up and Jam: Gaiden.

Why did I even record this?

36 comments:

Colin B said... [Reply]

Never was a fan of basketball games :(

MikeyB said... [Reply]

fuckin right...my god is this ever classic. hahahahaha i love it

Das Auto! said... [Reply]

i think i'll heed your warning with this one, one stevel segal mullet just doesn't cut it for me

Cpt.Awesome said... [Reply]

I would rather play a Barbie game as well. Sport games never appealed to me that much.

ImmaFrog said... [Reply]

Sports game are cool.

Super Rehab Clinic said... [Reply]

I enjoyed much of the older sport games like for the Amiga and Commodore 64. But this one? ...Geezus man lol. How can you put with so much torture in a week?! xD

whatshouldibuytoday said... [Reply]

The name itself is already a joke...

Major.Mack said... [Reply]

The first line I stopped reading...Barbie game over a basketball game....speaks for itself
I've found Basketball games suck now though havent enjoyed them since sega

S said... [Reply]

Liiies, you don't prefer Barbie to this. Or do you?

Yakoi said... [Reply]

Wow, Babe. I thought you were having a little fun when I heard you screaming shoot the ball bread basket (or what ever it was you were calling the white guy that sucked on your team) LOL! Well, I had fun listening to you bitch at your game! hahaha <3

Copyboy said... [Reply]

I love the stereotypical crowd with the 11 gallon hats. or is it 10 gallon?

Seion said... [Reply]

"Is it sad that I would rather be playing a Barbie game than this?"

Immensely.

NBA Jam for the SNES kicked all sorts of ass.

SuciƓ Sanchez said... [Reply]

If they really want to go for stereotypes, the Texas level should have ended with Barclay being dragged out of town behind a pickup. ☺♥☻

Justsayin' said... [Reply]

Thanks for the info @ Sucio Sanchez LMAO!

Astra said... [Reply]

i never really got into sports games

ThatGuy said... [Reply]

What, no Shaq game to review.lol

caretaker said... [Reply]

crazy guy chuck

lemoz said... [Reply]

dam you chuck Norris forever being epic

Gurney said... [Reply]

I could never get into this one. NBA jam is the awy to go

Come At Me Bro said... [Reply]

I love Chuck Norris!

HTT said... [Reply]

yeah !! walker texas ranger !!

Habadasher99 said... [Reply]

This is the greatest name for a game ever.

me said... [Reply]

While he may be a leading proponent of "shutting up and jamming," sadly Barkley never took his own advice.

cooperlife said... [Reply]

MOAR BARBIE GAMES

Monster Madness said... [Reply]

Never tried it :D

The Angry Vegetarian said... [Reply]

Wow, I completely forgot about this game!

Classically Trained Nub said... [Reply]

@Yakoi luls...what exactly is a bread basket? I was calling him white bread, because I become the reverse racist when I play sports games.

Lemmiwinks said... [Reply]

great background you have here!

followin

SpringyB said... [Reply]

I didn't even know other basketball games existed outside of NBA jam.

thenitefalls said... [Reply]

The only basketball game I ever played for SNES was NBA JAM! NBA JAM takes me way back :D

Longkid said... [Reply]

Old basketball games are the best. :3

icequeen100 said... [Reply]

LMAO...wow, this is really horrendous... :D

David Davidson said... [Reply]

Dude I remember that game!

Leddi said... [Reply]

another great review, another terrible game -.-"

Tal Zahn said... [Reply]

Wow, I think Barbie would actually be more fun! I will admit I rarely ever play sports games unless they have an interesting niche (such as tiny toons or mario players), but this still looks pathetic.

Das Mostrencxs Information & Intellingentsia Sistema said... [Reply]

I remember how bad is that game, I'm prefer Little Leagues or Ice Hockey by far.

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