REAL GAMES - BARKLEY SHUT UP AND JAM

Is it sad that I would rather be playing a Barbie game than this?

Barkley Shut up and Jam is a basketball game starring Sir Charles himself.  Yep.  There's not much else to say.  Lets see...it's a 2v2 game.  There are a few different basketball courts to play in.  .....and that's all I've got.  However, if you are looking for a crazy game that will keep you both amused and confused, I suggest you check out Barkley Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden.  (Full name is actually Tales of Games Studios presents Chef Boyardee's Barkley, Shut up and Jam: Gaiden, Chapter 1 of the Hoopz Barkley Saga)  Just to give you an idea of what this game is about, allow me to read you some of the intro.

The Great B-Ball Purge of 2041, a day so painful to some that it is referred to only as the "B-Ballnacht". Thousands upon thousands of the world's greatest ballers were massacred in a swath of violence and sports bigotry as the game was outlawed worldwide. The reason: the Chaos Dunk, a jam so powerful its mere existence threatens the balance of chaos and order. Among the few ballers and fans that survived the basketball genocide was Charles Barkley, the man capable of performing the "Verboten Jam"...

Words can not express how awesome this picture is.

Sounds awesome right?  Well, it's free and you can find it using google search, since blogger is a little picky about linking files.  Anyway...back to reviewing the boring Super Nintendo game.

Starting off, we can chose from single, series, or tourney.  As for who you're going to play as, let me list off every player in the game.  There's Charles Barkley, and a bunch of made up people that are worthless.  Choose wisely.

Controls are blah blah blah.  I don't even care.  This game is so boring, it makes this review very hard to write.  But I guess the controls are alright.  They are standard for any basketball game.

Audio: same music clip looped forever.  Sound effects are non-existent.  Mute and move on.

Visuals: it's a basketball game.  There's a court and random backgrounds, that are usually retarded.  For example, when you play in Houston, there are oil drums in the background.  Cause you know, oil.  It comes from Texas.  And our basketball courts are filled with oil drums.  In fact, there are usually cows in the bleachers, but they are hard to see because EVERYONE wears 10 gallon hats and cowboy boots.  Did I miss any stereotypes?

 However, not all stereotypes are false.

Gameplay: Boring.  Pick Barkley, never pass or do anything other than run straight and dunk.  Guaranteed to win every time.  If you pick anyone else, or try to throw the ball instead of dunking, you will lose.

Barkley Shut up and Jam is very boring, even for a basketball game.  It gets 1 Steven Seagal with a mullet out of 5 only because it doesn't really have any problems with it other than being boring.  If you want to play a good basketball game for the SNES, play NBA Jam.  If you want a fun Barkley game, play Shut up and Jam: Gaiden.

Why did I even record this?