Friday, November 5, 2010

REAL GAMES - AL UNSER JRS ROAD TO THE TOP

Who the fuck is Al Unser Jr and why does he have his own Super Nintendo game?

Apparently, Al Unser Jr is a retired racecar driver that has won two Indy 500's.  He was also Wild World of Sports Athlete of 1994.  He's also a drunk driver that doesn't even stop to help the people he has hit.  But most importantly, he has a few games.  One for the original Nintendo, one for the arcades, one on the PC, and this one.  I don't know anything about NASCAR or racing in general, but I do know some names, and Unser isn't one of them.  So why does this asshat have his own game?  Fuck if I know.

Starting off, we can try out different styles of racing, ranging from go-karts and snow mobiles to something called IROC and finally Indy cars.  I don't know what IROC stands for, but they look like muscle cars...which are pretty cool, so I'm okay with this.  Once you get familiar with the stages you can start the actual game.

The controls are dumbed down to 2 buttons, sort of.  There's a go button, and a stop button, also known as gas and brake.  However, letting go of the gas button does the exact same thing as pushing the brake button, so there's actually only one button.  There is no turbo, N2O, or even sharp turn buttons.  Just go and stop going.

If you have ever played a generic racing game for Nintendo or early Super Nintendo, then you know what to expect for audio.  Fun Fact: I usually mute racing games and make my own VROOOM sounds.  Why?  Because it sounds more realistic than the recycled shit they use in every one of these games.  And because it's fun.

You hearing this shit, son?  Let me rev dis engine for yo ass.  VROOM BITCH!  VROOOOOM!
The graphics in this game are shameful.  No effort was put into these stages or vehicles at all.  This kind of shit was typical for Nintendo, but did they really think they could get away with it for the SNES?  A system that gave us amazing racing games like F-Zero, Super Mario Kart, and the Top Gear titles?  These graphics are absolute garbage and a complete disrespect to the racing genre.

And finally the gameplay.  Well...it's a short and easy racing game.  Every time you beat a racing style, you have a "road to the top" stage which is fucking retarded.  Drive up the edge of a mountain with no safety rails as fast as you can!  Why?  Cause that's the title of this game.  Sure, it could have been a metaphor for making your way to the top of the racing circuit, but Al Unser Jr doesn't know what a metaphor is.

Dang man!  That is one big metaphor!
This game would have been decent for the NES, but it's a total joke on the SNES.  It gets 1 guy on a go-kart out of 5 and a timeout in the corner.  I want you to think about what you did, game.
I believe this picture speaks for itself.

28 comments:

Paul said... [Reply]

lol def shouldn't be on snes

Gansita said... [Reply]

hahahaha to the last picture XD

SpringyB said... [Reply]

I think you have a ways to go before you hit a good game. Maybe you'll uncover a good no one really knows about though.

I appreciate the offer to help me with a banner but I'm not even 100% sure on what I'd want and I wanna figure out how to use it myself. I have a girly friend who I can get to show me.

But! If you'd be willing to part with whatever sorcery you used to get those nifty reply options on your comments, I'd totally appreciate that.

Nailgun said... [Reply]

lol, terrible game is terrible

Dan said... [Reply]

Rofl what a wonderful read. I especially like the Fun Fact XD

Man, I wanna play some of these games multiplayer with you so we can make racing noises together in a totally non-gay way

VRRRROOOOOOOMMMM

Randy said... [Reply]

I showed my friends your post and they enjoyed it! Keep them coming!

Robert K. said... [Reply]

can't wait until your next post!!

Randy said... [Reply]
This comment has been removed by the author.
BunnySMG said... [Reply]

"Sure, it could have been a metaphor for making your way to the top of the racing circuit, but Al Unser Jr doesn't know what a metaphor is." had me laughing my ass off. Then I got to the picture of the metaphor falling from the sky and lost it again. Awesome man!

Campino said... [Reply]

good post

Kikimora said... [Reply]

Haha great read! Thanks! :D

My internet explortion said... [Reply]

That game looks just awful lmao though i hope you find a good hidden gem

RoodNverse said... [Reply]

lol xD

dee jey said... [Reply]

cool post man

Nostalgist said... [Reply]

cool review.. the whole game looks more like NES^^

The Angry Vegetarian said... [Reply]

lol, 1 and a timeout. That's harsh.

Come At Me Bro said... [Reply]

This is sweet!

ModerneFusion said... [Reply]

I love your reviews man, hilarious. Keep them coming!

Mr. Bloggity said... [Reply]

Lol, very nice!

Astra said... [Reply]

love the pics :D

Lemmiwinks said... [Reply]

Kewl story, bra! waiting for updates from you

Donkote said... [Reply]

lol i feel like some games seriously just should not have been made

Swift Love said... [Reply]

this was one of my most favorite games when I was a kid

About Insurance said... [Reply]

very interesting...

amidoinitrite? said... [Reply]

haha, nice

MacPCharmony said... [Reply]

this is pretty cool!

Fuuuuuuuu said... [Reply]

good stuff here man

Cunning Linguist said... [Reply]

thanks for sharing!

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