REAL GAMES - ALFRED CHICKEN

The actual title of this game is Super Alfred Chicken...so I don't know why this was next on the list, but oh well.  I beat it anyway just so I wouldn't forget it when I actually got to the games that start with S.

Alfred Chicken is a flightless bird that has somehow made his way across multiple consoles, ranging from the Amiga to the Playstation.  I really don't understand how, especially since the game isn't anything special.  The only real point of interest would be that a Mindscape employee ran for a political office under the "Alfred Chicken Party" as a form of advertisement.  He lost of course, but that is because his party had nothing to offer.  Just like this game.

Within the first few minutes of playing, I already knew what I was in for.  This game is as basic as you can get, and Alfred himself is just a knockoff of Sonny the Cuckoo from Cocoa Puffs.  Well, maybe knockoff is the wrong word.  Alfred is like Sonny's poorly drawn retarded nephew.

Alfred goes HERP DERP for Cocoa Puffs!

When we get to the controls of this game, I am suddenly reminded of the original Aero the Acro-Bat.  You know, the shitty one.  In Alfred Chicken, you have 2 buttons for jump and that's it.  You get a projectile attack occasionally, but it sucks so bad it's not even worth mentioning.  In order to do a normal attack, you have to jump and then press down to corkscrew the enemy.  Sound familiar?  Developers, nobody is impressed by this shit.  Just stop.  Let us jump on the enemy's head like every other platformer, so then I don't have to bitch about your shitty controls.

The music is horrible, and it is the only song you will hear throughout the entire game.  One 40 second track on infinite loop.  I should do video reviews or something so you can hear this crap.  Then you could watch me play the entire game with the word "mute" in the corner of my tv.

The graphics for this game were ripped straight from the Amiga port.  Knowing that, I had expected a lot worse than what I actually got.  The sprites and the backgrounds are not great, but they are not absolute shit either.  I have seen a lot worse from this type of game.

So what did Alfred Chicken offer for gameplay?  The same old shit.  Occasionally, platforming games offer different features or gimmicks that can either make or break the game.  You won't find any of that shit in Alfred Chicken.  This game is two things: Boring and long.  And that is never a good combination.

This is also long and boring, but at least it has a few cool moments.  Like that one part where David was all like "you're one big bitch" and Goliath was like "that's what your mom said last night".

 (Super) Alfred Chicken is a game that played it safe and didn't take risks, and what we get is a boring and unimaginative experience.  I give it 2 cooked chickens out of 5 simply because it didn't piss me off.  The game itself has no problems other than mediocrity.

I was told that I did not collect all of the hidden cans.  I don't fucking care.  You couldn't pay me enough to care.