REAL GAMES - AMERICAN GLADIATORS

American Gladiators.  What more can I say?  The original TV show was awesome, the game is not so awesome, and the new American Gladiators sucks ass.

BAHAHAHAHAHA.

I'm not sure why the American Gladiators game is so bad, but it is.  It has all of the original gladiators and the various events that made the show great, but it just lacks something.  I think it is because the game tries to be serious.  There isn't any goofiness or self parody to be found.  This is supposed to be a straight up sports game, regardless that your competition are people named ZAP and TURBO.  Then again, the name I chose for this was BALLS...so who am I to judge?

The game starts off with high res photos of the gladiators, along with their information and bio.  For instance, did you know that Thunder plays lacrosse, soccer, AND baseball?  He's also really good at swimming, and he studies martial arts!  Thanks, American Gladiators.  I'm sure that this worthless knowledge will come in handy some day.

Alright, the controls are all over the fucking place.  During some events, the shoulder buttons are used to run, other times they're for picking up and dropping the big nerf guns.  You have buttons to climb, to beat people with a jousting stick, to jump hurdles, and to pick up balls.  There is no rhyme or reason to any of the controls, so just mash buttons until something happens.

The music for this game is okay, but it feels like it doesn't belong.  I expected the American Gladiators theme song, and instead I got some random platforming style of music.

Graphics are a major disappointment.  We start the game off with a really good title screen, and high res profile shots of every gladiator.  But when you actually play the game, you get cheap and confusing stages.  The sprites in this game are little pegs for the most part, and they really take away from whatever event you happen to be playing.  They wasted all their potential on drawing you in, and they had none left for the actual game.

Look at the one on the left.  See anything wrong with that picture?

Playing this game is difficult, because a lot of things don't work.  For example, the gameplay of the first stage requires you to run to a podium, pick up a nerf gun, and shoot a target.  I have never hit the target.  My opponents have never hit the target.  I'm pretty sure it is impossible to actually hit the target.  So why is there a target?  Why do I have to pick up the guns and even attempt aiming if there is no point to it.  That's is how I feel about a majority of this game: No point in playing.

To sum everything up, American Gladiators was a disappointment, but still a decent game.  They tried different things, and some worked, but most did not.  I give it 2 Geminis out of 5, because just like Gemini, this game is challenging and unique. 

I had to beat Peter and Rod in the tournament.  No joke.