REAL GAMES - ARKANOID: DOH IT AGAIN

This game truly surprised me, in a good way.

Arkanoid is a game in which you break bricks with a paddle and ball.  Sounds pretty boring, right?  Just another Breakout clone that we have all played hundreds of times now, right?  WRONG!  Arkanoid is a Breakout clone with a deep story and hard as fuck bosses.  Best of all?  I get to use my Super Nintendo mouse!  I love when I get to use this thing.

There are literally thousands of Breakout clones, to the point where they have become their own genre.  You can find at least one variant of the genre on every system, including the badass "Shatter" for the PS3 and PC.

Before I had started the game, I had prepared myself for a load of suck.  However, right off the bat, I knew I had assumed wrong.  We get a cool little intro movie from the "paddle" perspective, flying off to do battle with the villain, Doh.  After we start the game, we are given more story to explain what the hell is going on.  The paddle in Arkanoid is actually a space ship called Vaus, and it has found a new planet similar to Earth.  Upon inspection, we find that Doh is there waiting.  Epic brick breaking ensues.

Control wise, this game is simplistic.  Use the mouse to control "Vaus", click the button if you have weapons or sticky balls.  If you use a controller, you are stuck with the D-Pad for movement, but the controls are just as functional.  Sticky Balls.

As for the audio, it isn't too bad.  I was expecting the sound of balls bouncing off of bricks, like in every other breakout clone.  And make no mistake, those sounds are in here, but there is also stage music that is okay.  It's nothing stellar, but it is more than I expected.

Graphically, you may assume there would be some colored bricks, a paddle, and a ball.  You would be right.  However, each stage has something going on in the background, and the bosses are interesting to say the least.  Again, it isn't anything amazing, but it does have its charm.

This bad ass has been breaking bricks since the mother fucking Amiga.  He doesn't even need a paddle or a ball anymore.

And finally for gameplay, this game is loooong.  This game has 99 freaking levels!  And believe me, you will die many times along the way.  Luckily, the game gives you a password to start off at that level after you die.  Anyway, those 99 levels are damn fun.  All of the standard powerups are there, like laser guns and electric beam wall thing.  The bosses in this game can also do some pretty asshole-ish things, like rotating the screen around and reversing your controls.  This game is challenging, but in a very fun way.

Apparently, that whole judging a book by its cover thing...yeah that's bad.  I fully expected to give this game a 1 or a 2 at best, but I would have never guessed that this game was so good.  It earns 4 Doh heads out of 5, which is pretty damn impressive, considering the "greatest hits" version of Breakout that I just reviewed wouldn't have earned 1 point on its own.