REAL GAMES - BATMAN FOREVER

Finally!  I'm done with the fishing games!  Now lets see what I have next.  No.  NO.  DEAR GOD NO!

The year is 1995.  It is Christmas, and an innocent 12 year old is unwrapping a small rectangular shaped box.  He sees the all too common red letters that read Super Nintendo.  He quickly finishes unwrapping the box to see what glorious game he had just received.  Batman Forever.  The child is giddy and full of glee as he absolutely loves Batman.  However, that joy would not last.  No...it definitely did not last.

As he started the game, he smiled with anticipation.  The intro reminded him of the movie by the same name that he had saw earlier that year.  He loved the idea of playing as either Batman or Robin, as he had never had such an option in previous Batman games.  He still chose Batman, because nobody ever wants to play as Robin.  Although he wasn't a big fan of the movie, he was sure that the game would be better.  Soon, his naive assumptions would cost him dearly.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

While fighting through a section of the first level, the child was impressed with the controls.  They were very reminiscent of Mortal Kombat in a beat 'em up style of game, and he loved some Mortal Kombat.  However, these same controls would be his downfall!  Not even halfway through the first level, the child's fun came to a complete stop.  You see, the stage required the use of the grappling hook, but the instruction manual had nothing on how to use it.  There was no GameFAQs to help...and despite pushing every button he could think of, there was no way up.  His brand new Christmas gift lasted a total of 3 minutes.  This is where his journey would come to an end for 15 years.  Now, I know what must be done, and it angers me.  Select + Up?  SERIOUSLY?  There are more stupid parts that involve jumping down holes, which required Down + R.  WHO THE FUCK MADE THESE CONTROLS?

Now that I am done narrating the game that killed Christmas, I can go back to reviewing as I always do.  With the sound portion of this game, we are forced to listen to gloomy tracks being looped, as per usual with movie licensed games.  They didn't even bother to add the iconic Batman theme from the movies.  Hell, I would have settled for the 1966 Batman theme.

Graphics were pretty good, but that is also on par for movie licensed games.  A lot of the scenes look close to their movie counterpart.  Unfortunately, that movie was Batman Forever.

I want a game based on THIS movie.  Fund it damn you...

Now for the important part, the gameplay.  The fighting controls make this a very unique beat 'em up.  Sweep kick, uppercut, or just punch them in the dick...it's all fun for the first 10 minutes or so.  Unfortunately, this game offers nothing after that.

So, if this fucking game had not ruined my Christmas, would I have liked it?  Probably.  At least for a little while.  But there is absolutely no fucking excuse for these shitty controls.  NONE.  I give it 1 Bat-Signal out of 5.  Some of you may say that is a bit harsh, but think about that poor 12 year old.  His entire holiday was destroyed by this piece of shit.  If anything, I gave it more than it deserves.

I finally beat this game 15 years later...and this is what I get?  Fuck you, game.