REAL GAMES - THE 7TH SAGA

The 7th Saga is an interesting game.  Interesting, like testicular cancer.

The Super Nintendo is well known for its vast array of Role Playing Games.  This is the system that introduced me to classics such as Final Fantasy 3 (6) and Seiken Densetsu.  However, for every great RPG like Chrono Trigger, we were given a dozen half-assed attempts like The 7th Saga.  A lot of people consider this to be a good RPG that tried to incorporate new elements of gameplay into a somewhat stale genre.  That is why I do not value the opinion of a lot of people.  It may be true that the game tried to add new elements, but none of which were fun or interesting in the slightest.

Starting off, we have to choose one out of seven characters: Human (Warrior), Dwarf, Elf, Alien, Tetujin, Human (Priest), and Demon.  Here, we need to pick the style you play best as, as it will be the only playable character for 90% of the game.  From splitting skulls with an ax to anally probing humans in their sleep, there are plenty of options.  Just as long as you do not pick the priest.  As a priest, your only option is to die, and die some more.  Personally I chose the demon, because I too enjoy METAL and torturing Asian school girls.

Why does the priest even exist in this game?

As soon as the actual game started, I was baffled by the controls.  One button.  This button brings up a menu with five options...  The Super Nintendo has six buttons, eight if you count start and select.  Seven of these buttons are unused.  Why?  Why do I have to scroll the menu to do EVERYTHING?  Why could the developers not assign each of those menu options TO A GOD DAMN BUTTON?  Good job game, you have made me rage before the first battle.  I am impressed.

This must be the controller
that the developers were using.

Next up, we have audio.  The background music changes from town to town, and it's okay.  It isn't Final Fantasy quality music, but it isn't the worst I've ever heard either.  However, the battle music is dreadful.  Actually, I can tone out the bland battle music, the problem is the sound it makes when the battle starts.  You will hear this over 100 times within the first 30 minutes, and it never stops.  NEVER.  OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

Graphics, this game has none.  Even for an early RPG, there is nothing appealing about the visuals.  Mother 3 on the original Nintendo had better graphics, better sprite detail, and so on.  The towns look like shit, the world map is shit, the spells are probably the most bland spell effects I have ever seen, and the monsters...oh god the monsters.  Every RPG has palette swapped monsters, but this game doesn't even try.  If you were to ask a toddler with no knowledge of mythology what-so-ever to draw these monsters by name alone, I'm pretty sure they would at least be interesting.

Chimera - Fire breathing female monster
with a lion's head and a goat's body.

Finally, we have the gameplay.  And it is fucking horrible.  At the start of the game you are given a Crystal Ball.  This ball shows the location of nearby monsters on the map instead of having random battles.  Unfortunately, the monsters are faster than you and there is absolutely no way to avoid these battles.  So why is there a Crystal Ball?  Because God hates us all.  Why is there so many monsters?  Because this game requires grinding.  Unlike most RPGs, where grinding is only necessary for boss battle preparations, this game requires you to spend hours grinding just to make the short walk to the next town.  Every new town is another couple of hours of grinding before you can do anything.  If there is a boss, expect even more grinding.  And after all of that grinding, what do you get?  A plot twist so obvious that even M. Night Shyamalan would be too ashamed to use.

What a tweest

In all honesty, there is no redeeming value to any part of this game.  It's too god damn long, the story is bland as hell, and the only thing it succeeds at is combining the worst elements from every game imaginable into one steaming pile of shit.  Two games into my journey and I am already being forced to use the 0 out of 5 rating.

The game doesn't even have an end scene, it's just blah blah blah reincarnated into the king. 
So here's a scene from the last battle instead.