REAL GAMES - THE ADVENTURES OF ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE AND FRIENDS

You know what?  I'm getting tired of all these "The adventure of.." games, and I still have two more after this one.  What's even worse is that this one is about Rocky and Bullwinkle.  Ugh...

The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle and Friends was a cartoon series that lasted from 1959 to 1964, and was a hit for both children and adults.  The humor mainly revolved around the use of puns, but just like the Addams Family, I was born 20+ years too late to give a shit.  I watched the reruns when I was a kid, because I needed to kill 30 minutes between Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and X-Men.  You know, good cartoons.  For some reason, this show is STILL on TV.  What's even stranger is somebody thought it would be a good idea to make games for this franchise.  Lots of games.  Nintendo, Game Boy, Sega Mega Drive, and there is even a XBox Live game.  And of course, the Super Nintendo fell victim to this as well.

The game starts off with 4th wall breaking, strange references that only senior citizens would get, and puns.  Puns everywhere.  It doesn't stop there though, the entire game is filled with this top quality humor.  This is one of those games that you know right from the start that you're in for a very tedious experience.

These are the only people alive that thought this game was good.  Well...I think they're alive.  Okay, maybe not the one on the bottom right.  She may be a zombie.

There is not a whole lot to complain about with the controls.  Jump, headbutt\spin attack, and a throw attack.  At least they kept it simple.

The music in this game is bad.  I'm not sure what they were going for, but if its purpose was to annoy me, it succeeded.  This is another game that is better played on mute, or not played at all.

It doesn't get any better with the graphics, either.  The graphics in this game are from the original Nintendo era, but the Rocky and Bullwinkle game for the NES is even worse, so I don't know how to explain it.  The TV show used poor animation and art, which I guess was amazing for the late 50's.  The game uses the same animation and art.  So it does stay true to the source material, but the source material sucked.

Regardless of how bad the art from the original show was, I still prefer it over this CGI abomination.  STOP RUINING SHIT WITH CGI.

Finally, we come to the gameplay.  Surprisingly, this game is hard.  The entire game is basically jumping from tiny platform to tiny platform while shit flies at you.  The game does offer mini games at the start of each level, but they suck too.  The first game is trying to outrun a train on a horse.  The second is throwing bubble gum at a dragon.  Why?  To kill it of course.  The only good thing about this entire game is its length.  3 stages, 3 bosses, and it's over.  It's like the game developers knew this game was going to suck, so they made it as painless as they possibly could.

To sum things up, this game is not fun, but the platforming is challenging.  I'm giving it 1 dead horse out of 5.  These games should never have been made.  There is no target audience, and I have yet to play one that was even the slightest bit enjoyable.

Awww, it wrote congratulations in crayon for me.  How retarded.